Random Thoughts of the Day

Praise: Greg Wallace has crossed over into eternity and is experiencing new life. Please keep his family in your prayers, especially making mention of Melody, his beloved.

Praise: The last year, I have simply prayed that if it was God's will I be married, the man He sent would be one who sought for Truth. That covers a lot of angles, so I just prayed for that... and God's will. I had almost given up on ever finding that man. :-)

I am so glad and thankful to love, and be loved in return by, a man who search for truth amazes and humbles me. Thank you, thank you.

Praise: I worked a 9 hour day at Pharmasave today and it went well. I am really learning the ins and outs of the till... and today I was asked if I would work in the photolab. Of course I almost shouted yes. :-D This job is fitting more and more of my kinks. Awesomeness. :-)

Suppertime!

Death and Life; Prayers for the Wallace Family

Greg Wallace. This man has been fighting his battle with cancer courageously and living each day with a testimony that inspires me. I have been reading of his battle... his thoughts... his struggles and questions for a couple of months now. His sister wrote today that it appears he only has days left to live. Oh, I am sad. I am sad that such pain and suffering has befallen this young man. I am sad that his family has to stand around him and watch... their hearts twisting... wishing they could take this from him and bear it. I will not sit and talk about the silver lining on this cloud. That would be ludicrous. This cloud is dense. There are storms under this great canopy of horror. The wind is blowing. The rain is pounding. The lightening flashing. We all have questions and doubts. We don't understand.

But listen. Listen. "Peace be still." Never was more spoken in three words. That is all. May you hear it, dear Wallace family.

Another moment lived. One moment closer to the presence of my Creator. Death used to terrify me. In fact it terrified me so much that I contemplated taking my life so I wouldn't have to deal with it any longer. I am sitting here smiling a little wryly over that bit of logic. Interesting what fear will do to a person's mind. 

Fear made me feel worthless. Guilty. Unloved. Pain-filled. Sinful. Overcome with sorrow. Black. 

Then, I found love. I was 13 years old. I suddenly realized that all of my fears, all of that guilt and pain, every single one of them, had a basis of truth. But Truth had been twisted into a lie. It is true that I am selfish, unlovable, greedy, fearful, angry, bitter and generally a bad person. It is truth that I deserve to be unloved. But it is also Truth that I am loved. Loved so much that I am forgiven. Love is beyond who I am, what I have or have not done. Beyond any telling. Beyond my comprehension. Beyond my ability to believe. But... oh, I am loved. 

With love, death is not a leap into darkness, but a door to another existence. Oh yes! I do not know what is out there. I have so many questions. So many uncertainties and worries that flood my heart if I let them. I have pain. Sometimes my sorrow is so much that it takes my joy. But there is something that I am certain of: The continued presence and love of my God. But that exists now. This moment. Do I allow my weakness to shroud it or do I embrace what is offered to me freely? That is the real question.