Vulnerability: the Sanest Place To Be

We're going to Europe. That is what's on my mind. I should probably be looking for places to stay in Frankfurt. And researching good, cheap places to eat for foodies in the Black Forest. Which shop sells the best chocolate in Switzerland? I CAN'T WAIT TO VISIT THE MARKET PLACES IN GERMANY!! AHHHHH!!! That being said, a month long adventure is not the only thing occupying my thoughts. So, instead of looking at hundreds of room listings and affordable restaurants, here I am. For the first time in a year, I am endeavoring to write a blog post. It feels... strange.

September 13th, 2014 will mark four years since I left home. The first four years, they say. After 1460 days, things start getting better. Your brain can keep up with your emotions. Your soul doesn't feel so flattened under the stress of figuring out exactly who you are. Your heart can open itself with a little more trust. You don't remember the voices and accusations and mind games so clearly; each breath becomes a little easier. Has it worked? Am I more... me?

Ask me in September.

What I can tell you is that I have been learning and changing. (A lot.) For instance: as long as I can remember, my emotions were frowned upon, punished and thrown negatively at me as "female." Apparently, only females have emotions and all emotion is bad. (Unless, of course, you're "content" and "joyful".) :nods:

It's come to my attention that my emotions exist and I cannot negate them without negating myself. 

Before we go any further, let me tell you: men and women have emotions. The angriest, most depressed, violently emotional person I know is a male and the most emotionally repressed people I know are of both genders. Being told that my emotions were insignificant was a way of making me doubt myself. After years of being told that all women are easily deceived and that I couldn't trust thoughts, feelings or emotions, getting out of a harmful relationship and an abusive home situation was almost impossible. Saving myself was the most difficult thing I have ever done. But I did it. This gives me hope for everyone involved in abusive situations. We don't need people to save us. Yes, we need people to help us ... maybe even give us that little nudge onto a different path.. but ultimately, we must save ourselves. That is what this blog post is about.

Negative emotions. Anger. Sorrow. Pain. Frustration. Fear. Yes, there are days when they do overwhelm me. There are still days that I would rather traverse a room filled with snakes and spiders than face my emotions. My anger and horror and fears about my previous home and some of the authoritarian figures in the past years of my life had been pushed down for decades. The worse my life became, the happier the mask I put on. After an entire life of pretending, I didn't know what what was real or false. What was I? Sad? Happy? What should I be? I should be happy, right? At approx. 1350 days, I've discovered that the strain of holding down that much negativity can seriously dent a person.

I refuse to play this game any longer. I am so sick and tired of the lies I was forced to live and adhere to. I finally do not have to feel any thing or any way for any one. So yes, there is much for me to be angry about. I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm confused. In facing these emotions, I find myself finally being honest and discovering things about myself. I am also finding that after all those years of pushing down those emotions, feeling resembles a dam bursting and the resulting flood.

"I am so sad. I feel like my parents will never admit anything. My siblings will never stop pushing me away. It doesn't matter how much I reach out to them, they are never safe. I remember what it feels like to not be accepted for who I am. I remember how it feels to live in constant fear. The long days and months and years of waiting... it feels hopeless..."

"Yeah! I am so happy! The world is a wonderful place! Everybody needs to feel this happy. Jesse is amazing and wonderful and more than I could ever ask for. I can't believe how lucky we are. He is my soul. Just thinking about him makes my heart do strange things. Each day, love feels more real and tangible than the last. L. is also on this journey of healing... she is so strong. Every day, I am amazed by her. H. is opening her eyes and starting to accept our past. Her path is rocky but she is up for the challenge. God is real and close. I cannot believe the how much he knows about me and how strong he wants me to be. I know that he has been there all along for me. I know that this hard path my siblings are walking right now must have some purpose. I trust that eventually, they will find the courage and strength to accept the truth and reach out for help."

These are things I have every right to feel deeply saddened about. These are things I have every right to feel elated about. Most of my days, I can handle parts of both -- balancing the sorrow and joy is something healthy people do. My journey is not so simple, though. I've just begun. Some of my days are deeply sad or ecstatically happy. But there is a good part to this: something I've learned over the past few months is that I can acknowledge my emotions.

"I am sad. It's ok to be sad. Why am I sad? Because that man reminded you of someone who hurt you for many years. It's ok. Don't stop looking. Be sad. Don't hide it. Tell someone if you need to."

"I'm scared. Why am I scared? I was happy and I'm scared that if I'm happy, someone will see that and use it against me. That happened to you many times. You would have things you liked or appreciated taken from you just because you felt affection towards them. Why did he do this to you? Because he had to be in control. But you are in control now. Jesse is not an abusive person. He is a loving person. Trust yourself; trust him. Start there."

"I'm happy! Why am I happy? Because I feel loved. Why do you feel loved? Because you are loving yourself and those around you. You are able. You are in control of your life and your emotions. I'm also listening to the main theme from Indiana Jones. That might have something to do with it."

"I have faith in people. Why do I have faith? Because my heart is able to open itself today. It doesn't matter how many times people turn their backs on me, I am going to be there when they need me again. I am actively forgiving them. I have faith that eventually, they will reach out for love and acceptance. When they hurt me, it is because they feel vulnerable. When they slap my face, it is because they feel that someone is doing something much worse to them. When they reject me, it's because they are afraid someone is going to reject them. When they refuse my love, it is because they are terrified of their world crashing around them and all the doors closing. I've been there. I understand. I love them."

There are millions of other emotions. I have just touched the surface of mine. In the midst of the swirling pool of confusion, there is something I know in certainty: I can become stronger. Today, I am stronger. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Who cares? Yesterday doesn't matter either. Today, I am writing a blog post. Today, I woke up. Today, I told my husband that I loved him. Today, I listened to the sounds from Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Braveheart and The Artist. Today, I picked up some shirts from the floor. Today, I love my brothers and sisters deeply and painfully. Today, beauty has already taken my breath away. Today, I forgive myself and accept another chance at love and strength.

Yesterday and yesterday people: this is about me and the universe. Go away.

Tomorrow and tomorrow people: this is about me and the universe. Go away.

Today and today people: this about me and my journey and my healing and the people I care about. You can stay.

Note: When I was writing, I had to fight the urge to write in generalizations. Each time I opened a little of myself, I would erase it and put in something else much safer. As you can see, my deeper instincts took over and my vulnerability is on display for all who care to see. Thank you for looking. 

Things I Like About Today

My student schedule. I would be so lost without it. 

A sister who will pick up lemons for me. 

An acquaintance who gave us a queen bed. We don't have to buy one now. 

High protein food. You can learn to crave protein. Oh yes, you can. 

Lovely people who want to be taught music. 

My beautiful husband. When he gets home, I give him a kiss. 

Computers. I use mine. A lot. 

Laundry baskets. Life is so much better with them in it. 

Movies. We watched five Fast and Furious movies in four days. 

Sherlock Holmes. He will always inspire me. 

Presents. Giving them makes my life. 

Truth. It never ends. 

Trip to the City... Whee!!

Jesse, myself and my sister Lydia are planning a trip to Regina on Sunday night, the 11th. I was wondering if there was anyone in the city who had the space and was willing to put up three people (or two... or one) for a night. If you've already been generous to us previously, please don't feel obligated to put us up. Thanks in advance. :-)

March 18th -- book

My entire life I have felt an attraction to film, books, paintings, sculpture, etc., etc. Basically, anything artistic.

This particular book I think I remember buying at a garage sale for a dollar. Inside is a wealth of pictures and commentary on the evolution of Westerns; from their very beginnings to the 1960's. I figuratively drooled over it for hours, wondering at the world's fascination with dolled up, good for nothing cowboys and lame stories. But I couldn't judge too harshly: I was enthralled as well. Who can beat Gene Autry, George "Gabby" Hayes or Smiley Burnette?

As I grow older and experience life, I still find joy in art and a great happiness is finding a well told story.

To finish this description, I consider myself blessed to be married to Jesse who shares my love of creativity and art. :)  

Here are some images taken from the book.

mOre snaPshoTs

    Jesse asked Sara what his name was. She thought for a moment, then she said,             "I'm Jesse."

Avoiding a skunk waddling across the highway and having my husband still congratulating me on this feat two days later.

Forgetting to bring any night clothing with me on the trip therefore, having to buy new ones at Superstore in Regina. It was a mistake that turned into a good thing: I LOVE them. They are so warm and cozy, I could wear them 24/7. Unfortunately, I can't! (Professional image up-keep.)

Watching Ghost Protocol in the Galaxy theatre and feeling my stomach churn over the tall building with lots of glass part. I think I may have yelped a couple of times.

Going to Boston Pizza and eating at midnight. They have the most delectable Christmas dessert there: Peppermint Brownie Delight. Side note: Jesse and I aren't big fans of peppermint and chocolate mixed together. I mean, come on: two great flavors, why mix them? But the picture of this one was pretty convincing so, we ordered it. Picture this: two hot brownies, two big scoops of vanilla ice-cream (the kind with chunks of vanilla in it), raspberry syrup and chocolate syrup drizzled over, then... the final touch: crushed peppermint candy canes over everything. It. Was. Heavenly.

Our second test of 'in sickness and in health'. Half an hour before we arrived at my parents, Jesse came down with some sort of head cold/flu. His fever was very high, he ached all over, he was shaking and shivering and coughing. At one point, he was so weak that he couldn't even move. I finally got him to take some Advil and that seemed to help keep his fever down. He doesn't often get sick, but when he does, he REALLY does.

Ruth got herself into some trouble for being too noisy while Jesse was trying to sleep. Hannah scolded her soundly for almost waking up her "brother-in-law"... the idea of a five-year-old having a brother-in-law cracks me up. And it gets better: Sara is two.

Exchanging presents at Lindsey's place. She got us several awesome gifts but the one I am going to mention is the SKITTLES!!! Hehe. I love having friends who get you what you want for Christmas.

Sitting in our living room and not having to worry about the mosquitoes. They are finally gone. Good ol' Raid.

Getting the mail and seeing that my new camera had arrived. I am (so, SO!!!) excited about the camera. Jesse is excited about the tripod. And Snow is happy because ...

....he got salmon flavored Kitty Treats for Christmas. (Jesse calls them Cat Crack.) We're good cat owners because we only give him one at a time. Amen.

Celebrating the New Year with my family and many folks from the Endeavour Church. It was a lot of fun and we rang in the tick-tock of Midnight with a rousing chorus of Onward Christian Soldiers. Mainly because I was too exhausted at that point to think of anything else creative.

Jamming with Ellie and Lydia for the first time in months. I actually can't remember the last time we did that. It was good and it brought back pleasant memories of our family band and all the hours we used to practice together. I am glad we were able to bond in this way over the years. Music is magic and it is definitely alive and well.

Eating supper at Brewsters with Sam. This restaurant is also where two dear friends waitress, so between Jesse, Sam, Gillian, Brie and awesome, awesome food, it was a pleasant experience for me. I will be going back there again.

Watching five different movies in two days while in Regina. We watched The Adventures of Tintin, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Arthur Christmas, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and Sherlock Holmes Game of Shadows. All were brilliant. I definitely want to review each of them for Ponderings. What a treat to be able to go sit in a darkened theatre and watch things come to life on the big screen.

It was -4* C. today. In January. In Saskatchewan. That's really warm. And the snow and ice were all melting and falling off the car. Weather predictions say it's supposed to last all week. ::happy sigh::

Today my husband told me I am prettier than Marilyn Monroe. (In context, it doesn't sound weird. Lol!) It never fails: he makes me feel beautiful, smart and best of all, strong and good. I am really blessed to have such a man.

The best snapshot of the week is simply that God answered my prayers regarding several matters: Jesse and I drew ever closer through this holiday season, the visit with my family went well, Christmas with the in-laws was so good and last, but most certainly not least, Jesse is getting better.

Happy Holidays for all, forever. Cheers!

snaPshots of my LiFE

…every single time Jesse sees a picture of a cat he says, “Awwww..”

…almost every time I put down my plate or bowl or cup, Snow tries to eat or drink from it. That is so annoying. Ugh. At least he likes me. J

… I love that you can tell people’s mindset so clearly when they post a comment.

…And then there's the moment when Eli Eli posts a new song they recorded.

...I scratch Snow’s tummy and he enjoys it so much he falls off the couch.

…I open a letter from my sisters and it begins with “Dear Naomi, I love you!”

…the day I asked a student if they’ve had any lightbulb moments over the past week and they respond, “Uh no. Unfortunately not.”  Haha!!

…teaching a student and seeing the understanding hit them like a freight truck. So exciting!

… that dear friend who texts me and we have a chat about good times. Hello, Molly! Hi Lindsey. 

…seeing the sunlight dyeing the winter trees in red and yellow hues. One of these days I’m going to get a camera and take some real snapshots...

…staying up to all hours talking to my mother-in-law. Girl talk is brilliant.

…driving by myself. I love the feeling that I am no longer dependent on people to help me get to work or go grocery shopping, etc.


...hearing that my sister Hannah also passed her driver's test and has a Novice 1 license. Yes!!

…finishing 10 modules  (well, more because some of them were doubles) of a course that I was taking on Pharmasave. About 10 hours and 50 pages of hand written notes later, I am happy to say that I have completed the course.

…writing movie reviews while inspired.  In the past couple of weeks I’ve written and published three movie reviews on Ponderings. I love the feeling of accomplishment.

…Watching and listening to kids expressing themselves. The other night I was at Missoula theatre and was amazed at what two great directors can do with 30 children in a week. One of them, Kendra (age 8), hadn’t really ever sung in front of anyone and she pulled off a solo that was awesome.

…being happy sad all at once. I keep talking to people about Mya Dawn and how her memorial was so beautiful. She was 21 months old and had only known love her whole life. The accident was so horrible and the sadness that encompassed the community was heartbreaking. But the love that was expressed at her memorial was so wonderful. I can hardly explain what I mean. Little Mya Dawn, may you shine in the presence of our Lord.

…waking up happy.

…seeing my husband and feeling a burst of love that makes everything in life better.

…talking to Jesse.

…watching people during drama practice. The jokes are pretty amusing. J

…praying for wisdom, then receiving it.

…feeling God’s grace each moment of every day.

…little boys. There was one sitting behind me at Missoula. I think he was about 4 or 5 and his mom had him sitting on her lap because he couldn’t see the stage otherwise. About 30 minutes into it, he says quietly and really patiently, “Mom, I hate sitting still.”

…going to work and keeping busy all day. Though, of course, it is annoying when you’re trying to do three different jobs at once and an emergency interrupts every three minutes. Lol! Yesterday is was a paper jam which I couldn’t locate even after taking apart the machine. But at least I wasn’t bored!

...watching a great movie and not getting over it for months. One I watched this past week was "The Queen". I thought it was well done. I have always really like Helen Mirren but she was so good in this movie. I understand why my sister-in-law always calls her The Queen whenever she sees her in anything. I have joined the ranks. 

Love Thy Neighbor

Disclaimer: This post has missed some very essential points. I do not have the ability or wisdom to express exactly what I would like to say. I have issues with the extreme of what you are about to read. Some quotes, some words; that is all I can do right now. My hope is that it will enable someone, somewhere, to think.

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I consider myself blessed among women. My husband loves me. He views me as his equal. Love for him involves aspects I thought existed apart from love: respect, equality, cherishing, honor, faithfulness. When I prayed for a husband, I prayed for a man. I prayed that he would protect me and that I would be able to protect him. I prayed that we would cherish and honor each other. I prayed that I would be able to submit to him and that he would submit to me. I prayed that we would grow old seeking Truth together.

I have wanted to be married for as long as I can remember but about five years ago, I realized that I was not interested in getting married unless I met a man. I hardly realized what that meant until I met Jesse. To him, all men and women are the same. All have the same intelligence. All deserve to be treated with respect. That includes me, his wife. The longer I am married to the man, the more I realize how deep his belief rests in his soul.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her... (Proverbs 31: 11 - 12) 

This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem... Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave... Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. (Solomon's Song)

Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19: 4-6)

Mary Poppins and I had a date the other evening. I was sick with the flu and we had just purchased the movie (finally! I've been searching for a copy of that film for years). What better thing to watch when you're feeling sick and blue? At any rate, Mr. Banks and Mrs. Banks made me stop and think long and hard. Their relationship is probably more clear cut and exaggerated than real life but I believe we can learn some important truths through it.

Mrs. Banks was all for women's suffrage. She was out on the streets (neglecting her children) all day, singing her heart out and feeling very productive. She was finally expressing herself. At home, she was Mrs. Banks: wife of George, submissive, telling him what he wanted to hear, never arguing with him, mother to his children. She loved him and she loved them. But something was missing. She tried to fill it by asserting herself among her peers. When Mary Poppins' magic prevailed and Mr. Banks saw the light, he started treating his wife differently. He confided in her, he was affectionate with her, he treated her like she was his best pal... most importantly, his equal. The change in her was immediate and beautiful. No longer was something missing from her life.

One of the things about equality is not just that you be treated equally to a man, but that you treat yourself equally to the way you treat a man. -- Marlo Thomas

There are quite a few examples in the Bible of strong women and weak women. There were strong women who used their intelligence and charm for good. There were strong women who used what they had badly. There were also strong men and weak men in the Bible.... There are verses in the Bible on both sides of the coin on every subject imaginable. How to treat women, children, kings, prophets, enemies, etc., etc. We could treat people any way we wanted to, based on which way we read the Scriptures. Part of the reason for that is, in my opinion, God testing us to see what path we will tread.

Tell me, how did Jesus treat women? How did he treat men? How did he treat children? How did he treat those in authority? How did he treat those who were the sinners, untouchables? Unbelievers? Of everything else in the Bible, why can't we look at the two greatest commandments and follow those in every aspect of our lives?

We human beings do not think of people as equals. We think some of the same as ourselves, some are higher and some are most definitely lower. Is it skin color? Age? Walk in life? Religion? Sins committed? Why? Don't we remember that Jesus said: For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. (Matthew 22:30) Think of both sides of this coin. All those people we know of both in past and present who have expressed hatred. Now think of the ones who have allowed love to lead them.

If we were to select the most intelligent, imaginative, energetic, and emotionally stable third of mankind, all races would be present. -- Franz Boaz

I have known boys and girls who insult the intelligence that God has given them because they think they can't be a Priscilla (Proverbs 31 woman) or Aquila (man of God).  I know kids who are so smart and get bullied at school or don't receive the education they should because of some reason (whether at home or in public school). I have known men and women who wake up in the morning and feel nothing but bondage to their lives. I have read about, watched and known people who are "different". Abused. Ignored. Stuck. Never reaching the potential God had planned for them.

I have thought that I had been given a special understanding that 'unbelievers' don't have a clue about. I have thought that someone wasn't worth it. I have thought and said I can't understand why God would love someone so evil as that person. But I have been reaching for love and understanding. I have been seeking God for the ability to forgive. I have been accused of being friends with sinners. I have been told I am losing my standards and that I haven't been putting God first. I have found that Truth is often the opposite of religion.

And I have found that I don't care what your race, your background, your religion or your sex. I think lack of love is the worst curse that has fallen on the world.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond or free, there is neither male nor female for ye are all one in Jesus Christ. (Galatians 3:28)

O the depth of riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? 

[Random Side Note: I love Orange Italian Soda. I had my first one yesterday and I am already hopelessly addicted.]

The world was taken by surprise at the profoundness of the film The King's Speech (2010). King George VI of England was portrayed brilliantly by one of my favorite actors: Colin Firth. When he was announced as the Best Named Actor at The Oscars, I was cheering him on as loudly as the rest of the crowd. :-) Helena Bonham Carter was also amazing as the Queen Mother. She has played many roles which have thoroughly impressed me but none so much as her portrayal of Elizabeth Bowes Lyon. I highly recommend this movie for several reasons. (Eventually, the review for The King's Speech will be up on Ponderings.)

Whether by purpose or no, as soon as the hype over The King's Speech was finished, the impending nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton caused brand new sensations across the globe. At first I was annoyed by it. As with Justin Beiber or whoever the latest and greatest is, I do not like adoration and millions of fans towards anyone. But my curiosity got the best of me. :-) I have been studying the royal family for years and I figured with history happening in my time, I should be keeping up on it.

What can I say? I have always respected Prince William because he is The People's Prince. He seeks ways to be more normal. This normality has helped him become a better man, more able to serve the people of Britain. 

And then, there's Kate. She is strong, charming, able. Her demeanor commands respect, yet bestows kindness and affection. I have come to respect these two and hope for better days. Perhaps Britain will be bettered by the happiness and stability of this couple. I have been praying for them as they step into the society. 

I loved so much about this wedding. Her dress was amazing. :-) 

From the Queen of Randomness

The show went well! In fact, it went really well. Once up on stage, my nervousness vanished and I was able to play and sing and enjoy myself.

Several musicians and friends of Michele's are coming to stay the weekend and we have been preparing. Last night, Michele made turtle cheesecake (it's a new recipe and she made her own caramels, which are wonderful but didn't quite turn out the way the recipe said so she is worried about serving the cake to company and I wondered since she had enough ingredients to make another one if we shouldn't sample this one just to make sure but she said no. Twice.) (there, I knew I could write a run-on sentence! ;-)) and lasagne, which I am quite looking forward to. I get to make french bread to go along with it!! Yay.

Went to the theatre meeting yesterday for the Easter play. It looks like it's going to be a murder mystery of sorts. I'm not sure if I am going to have a part or not. I have never memorized so many lines (well, I've memorized entire books of the Bible but that's a little different!) and I've definitely never been in a play that required so much  from me. It could be a good experience. :-) That being said, with everything else going on, I might regret committing. We shall see.

I've been reading "The Princess Bride". And laughing. Interesting thing: the book is not better than the movie. They're both equally creative. And funny.

One of my students wants to learn how to play "If I Die Young" (The Band Perry) on the piano. So I have been trying to learn it so I can teach her. I like the challenge. And I like the song. It's a bluegrass number with really nice words. Kind of a Appalachian Anne of Green Gables song.

It was *30 F (-1* C) yesterday!!!! Wow. I ran outside with no long sleeves on and I was not cold at all. I love this weather.

I watched "Appaloosa" the other day. I was so annoyed at the end of it. :sigh: Seriously, three very good actors. Three of my favorites. You wonder if any of them had ever read any westerns at all. :-P Plus, Ed Harris' character randomly loses his temper for no real reason and nearly beats a teamster to death. Interesting. I wonder why he put that into the movie? Just because he'd always wanted to randomly nearly beat someone to death? Can you tell I'm still annoyed? ;-)

And while we're on the topic of movies, has anyone watched "Young Victoria"? Opinion?

Anyone a Doctor Who fan?

I should go eat something and try to stem the tide of my cold. Or allergies. Or whatever it is. I started getting a sore throat when I began dealing with all of deceased Yoda's hair. Now my nose is running like a faucet. Lol. I'm taking zinc in case it is a cold. Maybe I should be taking more stuff. Hmm.

I am so glad God loves me.

Anyways, this is my random-ist post ever. Enjoy, Bekah dear! ;-) (And anyone else who may read this.) 

Well, I haven't been bored! ;-)

It seems like I've been crazy busy for the past few weeks... Before Christmas, I worked for about two weeks on a Christmas present for Michele. It was a scrapbook about camp 2010; pictures, memories, quotes, etc. I spent about 8 hours a day on it and rarely left my room in that time. Lol. I really should start my projects a bit earlier in the season... I finished it last minute, as usual! But Michele liked the finished product so I'm not complaining. And, FYI, I do love scrapbooking. :-)

However, there were some very frustrating moments and I would complain bitterly to myself and my friend (fellow scrapbooker) Lindsey. Because it was a secret, I couldn't exactly write about it via my blog. So, you missed all of the really sarcastic remarks about how much I love the person who decided 12" x 12" scrapbook paper should not be exactly 12" x 12". So frustrating!!! Trying to get the paper on the page and having it go crooked, etc. Ahhhh!! Lol. Another one of my greatest moments of sarcasm was directed at the sticky things I'd bought instead of double sided tape. Mistake. Finally, I was smart and went into town and found some of said tape (somewhat of a miracle, according to the people I had asked!) which made my existence a whole lot easier. :-) 

Christmas for the first time in 15 years was lovely. I really enjoyed the dinners, the games, the conversations, the gifts, the decorations, the people... The best part of it was seeing Jesse again. He arrived safely in Saskatoon after spending his two weeks in Europe and oh, was I delighted to look into his face again... :-) :-) After Christmas, we went up to see my family in Endeavour. It went over quite well. The kids really liked him and Mom said they did, so I'm happy. :-)

Next day:
I meant to post this yesterday morning but I wasn't able to finish it in time. Jesse took me to Regina for what he termed our 'big date'. It was very fun and both of us were feeling quite well for only having just recovered from the flu. We enjoy our road trips because they give us time to talk and feel like we're accomplishing something at the same time. ;-) :-) We went shopping at comics/used books stores and ate a lunch with my dear friends Ray and Tahnis. We also saw The Voyage of the Dawn Treader in 3D which was amazing. I really enjoyed that movie. :-) For those of you who haven't seen it, I would recommend the experience.

Back to the flu topic, has anyone else gotten it? It seems like almost everyone here has... nasty bug. I didn't have it nearly as badly as some, however. For that I am grateful. I have been taking some preventatives and hoping that tides me over. I am so glad I only felt sick and didn't actually have too many symptoms. Vomiting automatically sends the flu to a completely different level. :-P

So, this is my brief update. I am sorry to let it go for so long. May your weekend be beautiful and full of joy. Hugs!

From the Queen of Randomness

Yoda ( fat cat) just whacked Ozzie (fatter cat) across the face and Ozzie blames it on me. I maintain my innocence.

I am trying to learn to play "Just You Wait Henry Higgins" in Cm and Dm. I was assigned to it for the Christmas play.

My voice has just the tiniest country drawl. Don't knock it. A lot of work went into that.

I love the movie Fiddler on the Roof more each time I see it.

Did you know that deadpanning is a lot harder than it sounds?

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

Did you know that soaking your face with black tea feels good?

Manitoba and dear friends are calling for me this weekend. So looking forward to it. :-)

There are people in my life who I don't deserve and am so terribly grateful for. They encourage me, criticize me, help me, lift me up and above all, simply love me. Well, I love ya'll, too! :hugs: all around.

Off to practice for tonight's theatre. My lines are just a little rusty still and my drawl could use some tuning...

Odds and Ends

The past few days have been so busy and full that I feel woefully inadequate to even begin telling you about them! :-) It's a good feeling when life takes on purpose and a reason to move on. The move here made me feel that way. Each new day has been an adventure full of people and new experiences. God has always shown himself to be  loving, gracious towards me. He is full of compassion in my most awkward moments... I never cease to feel amazed at His understanding. I love how He gives me far beyond anything I had ever dreamed of or hoped for. I love how He heals my heart and soul and makes me into something that is so much better than before I was broken. I love that He loves me.

Friday, I went to work at nine, as usual. Thirty-five minutes later, they had us evacuating the building due to a gas leak. It was an interesting experience to be hustled out of somewhere like that. The funniest thing was trying to get the old ladies to leave. They loved the scent (!!!) of danger and wanted to be in on all of the excitement. Lol. It was rather adorable and a little irritating. ;-) I guess they got the leak fixed because within an hour, we were back at work. Funny thing though.... I couldn't seem to get caught up all day. I had a list of cakes I needed to make and I know I got a fair portion done but it never seemed like it was enough. At any rate, I appreciate the work and experience as always. :-)

Friday night, I went to the theatre in Carlyle... they were showing Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. I had never watched a movie in a theatre before and what an awesome film to begin with. I loved the story. I have always liked owls because of Owl in "Winnie The Pooh" but this was a completely different look at them. It was a sad story but a triumphant one. I also love how well done the animation is of this film. It's completely amazing to me. :-)

Well, it's getting later in the morning so I should close this up and skedaddle. I'll try to write more later. :-)

Charity's Place

Have you ever wanted to read about a movie before you watched it... just to check it out? There is a place that I love to read movie reviews. It's professional in every way; the quality of this site is amazing.

Charity Bishop has been writing for years. Her reviews are written from a fairly conservative viewpoint so if there is something in a movie that might offend a viewer, she will let you know.

Note: not all of the movies Charity Bishop reviews are Christian or conservative, so beware. You can look at the movies alphabetically, so it isn't as if you can accidentally run into something... plus, if there is something in her review that she thinks is PG-13, she warns you at the beginning of the review.

I may not condone every movie or book she reviews, but this site I do highly recommend. It's a gem.

http://www.charitysplace.com/

P.S. check out her blog at the same time: http://charitys-place.blogspot.com/

Recommendations... please :)

A friend of mine showed me this quote years ago and it went something like this: Read the best books first.

On that note, I would like to hear any and all book, film and music recommendations that you can offer me. Please. :-)

Does anyone out there like Karen Kingsbury?

Does anyone like mysteries?

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” -- Mark Twain

Does any like to read Cynthia Voigt? She wrote one of my favorite books entitled, “Jackaroo”.

What about Brock and Bodie Thoene?

And what about films? Period? Historical? Modern?

Some of my favorites are: Pride and Prejudice (1995; Jennifer Ehle), Pirates of the Carribean (Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom), The Cinderella Story (Hillary Duff), Amazing Grace (Ioan Gruffudd, Romola Garai, Benedict Cumberbatch), Fiddler on the Roof (Topol, Norma Crane, Leonard Frey) and Miss Potter (Renee Zellweger, Ewan MacGregor).

Miss Potter -- movie review

Miss Potter

(2006)

Rated PG brief mild language

My Rating: 5 Stars

Renee Zellweger

Ewan McGregor

Bill Paterson

Emily Watson

The other evening, the teenagers were at youth, the younger set were tucked in bed and we had company to occupy my dad, so Mom and I settled on the couch and watched “Miss Potter”. I had watched it a couple times but Mom hadn't seen it before and it was a pleasure to share one of my favorite films with her. It was an even greater pleasure to have her to myself for a entire hour and a half. I am the oldest of 11 children, the youngest being a year old. If you can imagine our household, you'll know what a rare thing this opportunity was. :-)

On my mental list of movies, Miss Potter ranks right up with Fiddler on the Roof (which is #1 :-)). I love the detail. I love the story. I love the scenery. I love Renee Zellweger and Ewan McGregor. I love how clean this film is. I love how I can recommend it to anyone. Okay. I admit it. I love everything about this film!

Summary:

Sheltered artist Beatrix Potter is single (:gasp:), in her early thirties (:gasp:) and hasn't any desire to marry at all. (:faints:) In fact, all she wants to do is publish her illustrated story, Peter Rabbit. Beatrix's father enjoys her art (he wanted to be an artist when he was younger) and compliments her on it, but does nothing to help her along to her goal. Her mother, on the other hand, thinks that anything Beatrix does, besides getting married, is foolishness.

So when Beatrix gets her book published, in spite of all obstacles, and begins spending more and more time at her publisher's office, said mother is less than pleased. And when Beatrix invites her publisher, Mr. Norman Warne (Ewan McGregor) and his sister Miss Millie Warne (Emily Watson), to the Potter's annual Christmas party, her mother was horrified. But she would have been even more horrified had she known about the romance budding between her daughter and her publisher.

But the rose is slowly unfurling her petals and the beauty of womanhood is upon Miss Potter. Romance has a way of making life never be the same again.

What I Liked:

1: Renee Zellweger.

2: The painting... picking brushes, mixing colors, selecting paper, experimenting with colors...

3: Mr. Potter's wisdom in letting Beatrix mature (at last) and go.

4: The romance. I love how Beatrix and Norman fall in love.

5: Millie Warne. I love her. She is so endearing and sweet. “Hogwash!” ;-)

6: The veritable black crows... Fruing (David Bamber) and Harold Warne (Anton Lesser).

7: Norman Warne. I'd marry a guy like that character.

8: How rich this movie is on all counts. It delights the senses.

9: Miss Wiggin (Matyelok Gibbs). She is so prim and proper... the type of old maid society was turning out. She was actually the most most comedic part of the film. Well done.

10: The score is lovely. Probably the most beautiful I've ever heard. I love the reoccurring theme, “Teach Me How to Dance”.

This film is more of a girl's film because of the romance and 'gentle' quality to it, but I highly recommend for anyone. I wish there were many other films with this quality.

The Things That Go On In The Holter House.. and other interesting stuff

Last time I was able to get a connection, I posted three blog posts. I had gone for over a week without getting on the internet so I had been given time and inspiration for that much material. Lol! This time, I have at least two, maybe more. We shall see. I trust it's not overwhelming when I post more than one at a time. :-)

Our music went well the night of the 5th. The first song was the best. No mishaps with timing or anything like that. :-) Plus, with kids of all ages singing, it was pretty cute. Ruth (4) and Uriah (6) were big hits and people told me they could really hear their voices. I was quite pleased.

The second song, however, is a different story. We learned several very important lessons: Firstly, it's best if the musicians can hear each other. If you are playing back up for the fiddler and you can't hear the fiddler, it's called 'bad news'. Secondly, don't set loose sheet music on a playing piano. The vibrations of the instrument will make the music first fall onto your hands, then onto the floor, leaving the poor pianist moaning to herself, “Why didn't I memorize it?!” Indeed! Lol! But since I had played it a million times before and I was only accompanying, I was able to pull it off with only a few mistakes. ::sigh:: :-)

[Uriah (6) was making a huge fuss about his math. He kept insisting that he couldn't do it, no matter how much Mom and I tried to explain to him. Finally, Mom said if he didn't get it done in 15 minutes, there would be consequences. He was done in five. And (get this!) the answers were correct. :-P Kids. :-D]

Zeke celebrated his 11th birthday on the 9th and we had our nice ice-cream and pizza. My portion was eaten with you all in mind, so ::kisses::. :-D Happy birthday, Zeke.

I've been reading lots lately and watching some movies. Here are some titles:

Hunt for Red October (Tom Clancy) [definitely going to watch this movie someday. This book was excellent. I love it. Minus the language. :-) Great story, style, etc. I love Ryan and Jonesy best. President was fun, too. Not written from a Christian perspective.]

The Stone Maiden (Velda Johnson)

The Underground Stream (Velda Johnson) [both books were written in a timeless style that I love. I must say that I appreciated the former more than the other but I liked the mystery and storylines of both. Not written from a Christian perspective.]

And some of the movies I've been watching have been:

Amazing Grace (Ioan Gruffudd, Romola Garai, Ciaran Hinds, Rufus Sewell)

[I love this movie. It's like a documentary about William Wilberforce that's a movie. Very interesting, intense, moving, sweet. Great acting.]

Night At The Museum (Ben Stiller, Carla Gugino, Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, Robin Williams)

[One of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Made me get tears of laughter in my eyes. :-) It's a satire but it's sweet and has a moral at the same time. Really funny. Some minor language and references to evolution... but I must say, I thought they were making fun of belief in evolution.]

Riders of the Purple Sage (Ed Harris, Amy Madigan, Henry Thomas)

[I've seen Henry Thomas act in three westerns and in each, he was my favorite character. Lol! This movie is based on Zane Grey's book. Very nicely acted with a great story and mystery. Love the horse stuff. :-)]

The Nativity Story (Keisha Castle-Hughes, Oscar Isaac, Hiam Abbass, Shaun Toub)

[I thought this movie well done. Well acted certainly and they stuck fairly close to the Bible. There were a couple things that made me go “Yeah, right.” (sarcasm helps some things go down easier ;-)) But I thought for a biblical movie, they did fairly well. :-) I do advise you to go see it.]

Does anyone have any good biblical films they could recommend? Usually they seem to take liberties with the story, therefore missing important things. :-P That being said I haven't watched many biblical films.

Hannah and I are on a committee from church that's organizing an evening called, “Ladies Time Out”. Each year's theme is different and this year, it's The 50's. It's basically going to be an evening for all the ladies in the community to come and hear about God while having a fun and enlightening evening. I'm quite excited about it. :-) We're trying to stay away from buying anything more than we have to so we're trying to keep our eyes open for costumes, magazines, cookbooks, decorations, etc that we borrow (or be given) from that era. Anybody have old Reminisce magazines they would be willing to send to me? We need ideas for costumes, etc.

Do you remember that post I wrote about the Jehovah's Witnesses that came to our door? The old gentleman who came from Hungary, who was telling me about the horrors of WW1? He had a stroke not long ago and isn't looking too good. There might be just a chance that he can think and reason and be convicted... please pray for him as you are led.

[At the children's group we help with at church, the teacher was asking the kids what things we could do to obey our parents. Then she asked them to tell, without names, some things people have done that were disobedient. Right away, a little boy named Dylan (5) piped up, “My Dad--” and was promptly cut off with, “No names!” He sat silently for several minutes as other children said their pieces, then he began, obviously thinking really hard, “My mother's husband...”]

I hope you all have had a great week so far and that the next will be full of joy! God bless and stay warm. :-) :-)

P.S. I recently learned that green was Napoleon Bonaparte's favorite color. I knew there was a reason I liked that color. :-P :-D