Saturday, March 7, 2009

Fiction -- Reflections

The thick clouds had gathered in an instant, seemingly. One moment, the mountains were sun kissed and shining with snow and the next, almost invisible. The wind stirs them and for a moment, I catch a glimpse. Then it comes swirling down and brushes my face, once again obscuring the tall forms towering above the valley.
Where else has that wind touched?

Looking over what I had just written, I picked up the notepad and tore out the page.
“ ‘Sun kissed’ sounds like L. M. Montgomery, who I am not.” I said aloud. “I’m Sarah. With a pen in my hand.” I crumpled the page and nearly tossed it into my waste basket. Then stopped myself. I sighed and smoothed the paper out again. I hate it when I’m in this mood. Even my music reflects it. The piano just doesn’t sound right.

My physiotherapist tells me that I think too much. Perhaps I do but sometimes it’s so nice just to sit, looking out my window and let my mind take me back over the past few months. Retrospect, they call it. I do not worry. I just think. And wonder. Smile over good memories and keep away from the others.

Life has never been what you might call boring. But the past few months have been positively riveting. It didn't matter if I was dancing through the house with my baby brother on my hip or rescuing an old lady in distress, I have been on my toes. Then, I got hurt. That's why I'm sitting here, right now, scribbling randomly on a piece of paper.

Israel's little hands clung to my shoulder as we whirled first one way then another... He squealed and giggled from a mixture of terror and joy. The look on his face could be defined as rapturous. Then we sat down on the living-room floor and giggled some more as I tickled his fat little belly...

Life can be so sweet.

Yes, it can be filled with dread... but amid the hard times, God sends His rainbows, sparkling and shining with promise and love. There is so much to be thankful for.

I listen to a violinist play with his song. Softly... the strings seem to quiver with emotion and I am still. Slowly he builds, the notes mournful and tender. The vibrato so cleverly done that only a listening ear could discern it. And now, the bow dances with seemingly wild abandon. When the end of the song comes, I realize I am not breathing.

What do they say? Life is like a violin... Yes, it's true.
I have heard the fiddle play a song for each of the phases of my short life... for love, for grief, for anger, for joy, for laughter, for melancholy, for faith, for selfishness, for tenderness, for duties... a song to echo my soul and each of it's desires.

Dusk is slowly falling through the valley. First it covers the mountains and the wind. Then slowly, it blots out the houses, one by one. As it slips into every room, lights come on and the warm glow of them sends a message that the dusk makes way for night. The wind whispers a secret and I look up. There is the moon. Warm. Genial face glimmering at me. Just a wink, then it vanishes and we are again clothed in darkness.

“God is in heaven. Good night, world,” I whisper, still gazing up

But, I can't sleep, so it's not good night for me. Not yet. Sitting here at my window, looking over this valley... I am still remembering.

When I look back over my life, there is a time that seems not unlike the evening's dusk. There was a time that I thought I had the perfect life with perfect people in it. I was quite satisfied... but my Maker wasn't.

My world fell apart. I was forced to look in one direction: up. But He never left me; not once. And, in time, He became not just a Savior but a friend, too. That was the dawning of a new day for me. The joy I have been blessed with has been beyond anything I could have ever imagined.
I can say with conviction that if He had not allowed my life to enter night and brought me to the Light, I would be not be alive today.

Not long ago, something happened to me and it was none of my fault. Oh yes, I asked, 'why?'. Yes, I felt the horror and shame. But through it all was my Friend. I still don't know why He allowed it to happen. Couldn't He have used another way to accomplish His purpose?
But He didn't.

I read His promises and think of them often... He does have a purpose for me. I know -- I do believe-- with all of my heart, that the tapestry He is weaving of my life will beautiful. I can only see the bottom of it, now. It looks so messy and there is scarcely a pattern to follow. But when it is done, I am anxious to see the top!

Oh yes! There is one thread I can see clearly throughout the bottom of my tapestry. The name of the thread color is God's love. And I am resting in that. Forever.

Someday, my feet will dance again. I promise you! But for now, my heart dances. It is enough.

As the girl drifted off into peaceful sleep, the wind parted the clouds and showed the moon making it's journey through the sky. Tomorrow would dawn another day. The mountains would still stand granite and vast. The sun would melt the clouds. Life would go on. Because it could go on.
Jesus was with her.

--Naomi Holter


Best Life said...

Oh dear, this post is so sad and yet so loving. It is hard when friends struggle. You want to rescue them, but can't. God has us where we need to be. Your friendship with my sweet daughter is special to our whole family and we will pray for your recovery and the your mom's new baby coming soon.

Thanks for visiting my blog. It was a blessing to hear from you. Mrs. P~

Naomi said...

Thank you for your comment, Mrs. P! It was kind of you to take the time. :-) Thanks also for the prayers.

I really enjoy your blog. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Noami!
This is such a great post! You have wonderful talent for writting.
I hope things are going well for your mom.
Laura K. in Tx <><

P.s I left a comment the other day on the moving to SK one. I meant it to go here. Sorry about that.:(

Ashley C said...

Nicely written, Naomi. Though I have my doubts as to how much is "Fiction," as you label it. Sometimes God has to take us to such depth until we find Him again! But we do return to Him; many don't.

Naomi said...

Hi Laura! Thanks so much for your encouraging comments... no apologies needed. I have been trying to reply to them but my internet has not been working well. :-P

Anyways! I am so sorry we haven't been able to be in contact... I'll for sure be in touch with you! Can you give me an email at: I'll try to stay in touch!


Thanks for your kind comment! :-) You're right... God sometimes has to bring us down that low to bring us to ... or back to... Him. :-)

Best Life said...

Hi Hannah!

I can’t believe the snow up there! I’ve never seen anything like it! J I pray that the convention goes well, and that you have a good time and learn a lot!

Your sister in Christ-Grace

Under Southern Skies said...

You write so well, Naomi! I love the descriptive words you choose. :)