Sunday, January 4, 2015

Friday, January 2, 2015

Brain Tired

I've never known anyone who was what he or she seemed; or at least, was only what he or she seemed. People carry worlds within them. 
--Neil Gaiman

It's true. Humans are complications. 

(Aliens hate us.) 

Some people are more in control of their minds but we mostly choose the thousands of thoughts without conscious thought. Later, when we realize what we are (yes, of our own free will), we are alternately horrified and impressed with ourselves. 

I wonder what God thinks? 

Some Not Resolutions

I dislike new year's resolutions. I don't know why, exactly, but they seem empty somehow. BUT: there are a lot of people making resolutions. It made me think about what I want and how I feel.

Last year was full. Overflowing, in fact. Some really good stuff happened. Some bad stuff happened. I learned so much about me, the world and the people in my small (expanding) universe... things got complicated and scary. We ate a lot of good food. Slept on a lot of crappy pillows. Met so many people. Through these experiences, I realized some things:

I want to be happy. I have spent so much of my life being miserable. I don't have TIME to be unhappy or stay mad at someone or be scared. Walk away; choose my battles wisely. When I do choose, I want to do the right thing completely, fully and without hesitation.

I want to have adventures. I want to LIVE. I don't want to get caught in the same old routine from day to day. Life with this person has the potential for glorious happenings. Let's adventure now. Every day.

I want to be healthy. I want to work out. I want to listen to my body and mind. I want to find balance. I want to be proud of how far I have come and to find beauty in myself. To find the good in others, I must accept myself first. I need to do this for me and for those I love.

I never want God to be prosaic. I want to understand and never quite understand. I want to learn and always be aware that there is more to learn. I want to be able to accept that there will always be others who need to criticize the fact that I do not place boundaries on who or what God is. I want to seek without caring what others think of my journey.

I want to spend time simply enjoying Jesse. We've chosen each other. I need to take time every day to appreciate this human being who loves me. Over four years have passed, my love. I seek your presence more than any other. I seek your love and comfort and humor (god, you are FUNNY) and companionship.

I want to laugh and cry. I want to eat good food. I want to study. I want to work hard. I want to sleep well. I want companionship. I want an open mind.

I want to be healthy.