Life's Decisions

The flu bug is going through our home, leaving in it's wake several individuals who are feeling much better but still a bit tired. Myself being one of them. :-) I was resting here the other day, looking out of our living room window, watching the clouds go by, when quite suddenly, my little big brother walked past on his way to the garage.

I see him every day...you'd think I would get used to how big he is, but I was startled. It seems like only yesterday when he barely came up to my shoulder and his voice was still high pitched. It seems like only yesterday when he was playing with toy tractors and loaders. Now he's playing with the big kind.

And his feet! When he grows out of his shoes, they get handed down (?) to me. It's fine, of course, because he doesn't usually get to wear them long enough to wear them out. In fact, it's rather nice because he gets the kinks worn out of them before I get them. (I hate stiff shoes. :-))

But Jesse isn't the only person growing up around here. Today (July 17th) Uriah turned six years old. It seems strange to think of that little boy being closer to ten than to five. :-)

And I watched my sister Martha leave her girlhood behind last winter. It was a little sad to see the little girl go. It seems like yesterday when she was playing with dolls and now there is a lady with a wit and such biting sarcasm in her place that we alternately grin and cringe. Sparkling green eyes behind the black rimmed glasses laugh, smolder, flash, mock, etc, etc, in turn. Yes, she is indeed a lady but maturity comes with experience... and with that experience comes the hope of a truly lovely woman.

My sister Lydia turned seventeen on the 10th of this month. She reads my blog so I can't say much but I will say this: she is also a lady. :-) Oh, it did come about a little slower than Martha's but we all mature at different speeds and lengths.

But look! I can still see her round face and hear her laughing and fighting with us. Her gangly legs trying to keep up with Ellie and myself as we run races...

While some of the changes I watched and have kept careful account of, others I am taken by surprise with. Sometimes, I ask myself, “When did these changes happen?” Did I have my eyes closed? Did I turn around?

But change is only natural and would we want it any different?

Watching my siblings as they grow and mature is amazing. Each has his or her own talents and uniqueness about them. Each contributes to our circle... the laughter... the arguments... the discussions... the chores... the music...

I watch them and wonder how they will be on their own. Will they be more outgoing? Will they be shy? Who will they pick for spouses? What will their occupations be? What will their children be like?

It's not just my siblings that are maturing and changing... Me growing up is an amazing experience, too. It seems that no sooner is one experience finished that another begins. In my case, there is fear involved because change has always been difficult for me. But it doesn't matter how difficult or frightening or happy the experiences are, I always come to the end of them a better person... knowing God in a deeper, fuller way. A little more mature, a little more knowledgeable. And this isn't because of me! It seems every step I am forced to cling closely to God. If it wasn't for Him, I would still be the silliest, most horribly selfish creature that walked the face of the planet. :-)

Lately, I've been forced to make a couple major decisions which will effect my life forever and the lives of my (Lord willing) children and grandchildren. I told a friend that I feel like a child trying to make adult decisions. It helps having people I trust praying for me and giving me advice. But there are times when it's necessary for me and me alone to make a decision. I can't always go to someone else. Therefore, the full weight of the consequences falls directly on me. Sometimes, it feels heavy.

Have you ever taken the time to lay back and watch the sky? Right now, ours is a mixture of clouds and blue sky and sunshine. Sometimes, I watch the clouds. Sometimes, I watch the blue. But always, I watch the sunshine. Because even on the most overcast, stormy skies, there is always light... sunshine.

I like the simile: God is like the sunshine. No matter how frightening the future looks or how dreary or dark, there is always light because He is there. Oh yes, I am a child trying to make difficult decisions but my Father is there. And even if He is making me act and not just allowing it to 'happen' to me, somehow, there He is.