Just My Head

Weird things go through my head sometimes. I don't even have to be physically ill to have a muddled head or think strange thoughts. They simply pop up of their own accord, wander around for a couple seconds and vanish.

This morning, as I washed dishes, wrote letters and ate my breakfast of toast with peanut butter with a little (a lot? ::sheepish::) Nutella, listening to the soundtrack from Life of Pi, my thoughts ranged anywhere from:

"Ahhhhh! Because of the internet, there is ABSOLUTELY no privacy in this world any longer!!! Let's all go hide amongst the rocks and pray that the mountains fall on us!!!! Let me eat my toast first. Can't let Nutella go to waste."

to

"I love that Jesse refuses to eat yogurt. And when I try to feed him pills, we always drop the pill on the floor. Clumsy us. Oh! That time when Jesse decided that blowing off the pill wasn't good enough and he had to rinse it off. Haha! He was like, 'oh no! Now I have pill goo on my fingers!'"

to

"A very french sound in an Eastern Indian soundtrack... Hm. Strange. Correlation between Indian sounds and French sounds... I thought the British took over India. Not the French. I'll have to make sure and look that up on Wikipedia when I get the chocolate washed off my hands."

to

"What does faith mean for me, exactly? Does that mean a blind faith? Or a faith mixed with reason? Or perhaps both. This requires more thought. Mm. Peanut butter is way more palatable when combined with chocolate!"

You see that sarcasm has a comfortable home in my head.

I have to make this jumbled head be still so I can actually get anything done. Admittedly, there are moments when I don't want categorized thoughts. I want to indulge; flitting from one thought to the next brings such clarity at times. But there are responsibilities to be met, bills to be paid, hopes to be hoped, work to be done.

I need to pack for our short trip tomorrow. My camera's battery is being charged, the gifts are all on the pink couch and the cards written. Now, I need to get my clothes in order.

Just in case you're thinking that I eat Nutella all the time, allow me to assure you that I only have it on rare occasions. Why, you ask? It's so good!! Yes, indeed.... but there are 2 reasons I refrain from frequent eating of Nutella: 1 -- It's not good for the waistline. 2 -- When there are long periods of time between feastings, I enjoy Nutella more.

Darn it. I sound like an adult. 

Pieces of Life

It's always nice to wake up in the morning. It means that I am still alive: ready to wrestle and pin down those annoying trifles of life. Well, maybe not ready, per se. But ... able (?). At any rate, I woke up this morning. Enough said.

Saturday evening (around 5 pm), I suddenly felt like vomiting. I didn't vomit (thank goodness!) and the feeling stayed put until 8 pm or so. In the meantime, my head felt fuzzy and explode-ish. Jesse said I had a high fever. Fever make me crazy girl so we went to bed early on a Saturday night. After a restless sleep, I woke up Sunday morn and ta-da: fever was lessened. I'm still not sure what got me because I have no other symptoms. Thankfully, my body appears to be on the mend and I am doubly thankful that I did not give it to anyone else.

My next topic of discussion is all about weather. (Keep reading; weather in Saskatchewan is the most interesting on the planet. Ha!) We've lost friends and acquaintances this winter and several of those losses were a direct result of the weather. Day 1: -50* C. Day 2: -10* C. Day 3: 2*C. Day 4: 1*C. Day 5: -18* C. Freezing, thawing and freezing again leads to melting, storming and freezing roads. This leads to vehicle accidents; often, it seems, the crashes are big truck versus small(er) car. It wasn't the cold weather or the warm weather that bothered me or made road conditions so bad. It was the frequent changes of temperature. The past three days have been steady, however, and I cannot help but feel joyous about the sunshine. This morning at work, I kept mentioning the weather to the customers. The first five all made some remark in true Eeyore spirit: "Well, I just hope it stays this way..." Oh Saskatchewan peoples, you amuse me!

When we first moved into our house, we noticed the office had been leaking. Jesse was concerned about putting his computer into that space for this very reason. However, after covering the computer with plastic for months and never having it leak again, we slowly forgot about the danger and stopped being so cautious. One evening right after Valentine's Day, Jesse got home from work while I was still teaching music... and noticed, to his great dismay, that there was water leaking onto his computer. Upon further inspection, he discovered that his keyboard was directly dripped on and even after many ministrations of drying and putting a million screws back into it (who knew keyboards needed that many implements to hold themselves together!!), only half the keys worked. The circuit board was literally fried. :-P Thankfully, the computer itself was unharmed but it is now covered entirely by plastic bags when not in use.

This is horrible (and not funny at all) but I always giggle in spite of myself: he was putting together dvd of movie clips for the memorial service of a friend (he had to go borrow a keyboard from his parents so he could actually finish the project). By the time he was finished, there were no less than 6 drips dripping all around him. He would be busy working away when suddenly, "Ahhh!! ANOTHER ONE??!" He had bowls sitting everywhere. He would actually have to reach around a bowl to work on his computer. Yeah, imagine that one in your head. As I said: horrible, not funny at all. But such a sketch, eh? Btw, I do find his determination inspiring and my sympathies are with him. I think we need to (1: move the computer. (2: try to figure out where the leak is coming from and why it only leaks there every two years.

Minot was graced with our presence last Monday and Tuesday. We stayed at a hotel, shopped and, most importantly, got Lydia's passport on the roll. Actually, most importantly, we relaxed and had fun. :-) I was a bundle of nerves from living life and needed some down time. We had so much fun. Waterslides, shopping for gifts, buying underwear (that was annoying), eating (hot pretzel bites smothered in melted butter and dipped in sugar cinnamon...), watching a movie... AND I also had two cups of chai.

I love tea and I love chai the best. Add cream and a small dab of sugar to a thick brew of chai and you hold a little bit of heaven in a mug. The world is a better place with a cuppa chai. :-)

On the 16th, we held/attended a memorial service for a good friend of ours. He was part of our theatre group and well loved. We think his life ended much too soon. He did leave a legacy, however. He brought happiness to each life he touched. Because he was an American transplanted into Canada, I was asked to play the anthems for both countries at the service. It was an honor that I will not soon forget. If you think of his family (wife, mother, children, grandchildren...), a prayer for peace and joy to them would be most appreciated. We will never forget you, Dean.

So yeah. Life just keeps moving on. Rapidly. Always good but sometimes the good is really good. (It's been mostly really goods since I met Jesse. :-)) I kept waiting for a moment of inspiration to write but suddenly decided to today was the day I would make my inspiration. Thus, the jumbled thoughts of a certain person who wishes there were more hours in the day. Each moment is a precious gift. I am enjoying mine and I hope you're having great fun with yours!

Quote

Learn to be what you are, 

and learn to resign with good grace

 all that you are not. 

Henri Frederic Amiel

That Kind of Day

Over 1000 pictures held under close scrutiny in the period of a month. A single photograph consists of many things: texture, color, shapes, lines, happy, sad, laughter, anger... A thousand captured moments. You see the subjects over and over; you study their eyes, their mouths, hands, feet, legs, personalities. You do not judge because what is so, is so. The emotions flow over you, leaving little trace behind. You accept the cleansing because you must understand the picture before accepting it as a photograph.

After hours studying my own photographs, I have become more familiar with the persons in them. But the familiarity extends beyond the subjects: I have seen myself. In each picture, there I am; behind the veneer of the sweet flower girl or the happy couple; my selfdom, that force of me, glows distinct. The pictures are not about me; they are about someone else. Yet, I am part of them; I cannot help being here. 

There is certain amount of power in that. It is both ridiculously frightening and exhilarating to realize something in us is so significant; how we can change the lives of so many people with a single word or action:  such as... taking a picture. Yet, we forget we possess it: we grow accustomed to it, or perhaps we abuse it or maybe we never realized our potential. We are humans; we exist. That alone is mind blowing. When you add to it the fact that we are created in God's image, it becomes further astounding. 

I am told that I over think  insignificant, small things that should sometimes stay that way. I see the logic in this mindset. When I become angry over something small, my tendency is to feel very guilty for a very long time. Guilt is good... until you crown it king and allow it to rule. C.S. Lewis once said, "I sometimes think that shame, mere awkward, senseless shame, does as much toward preventing good acts and straightforward happiness as our vices can do." Pondering something is good until it takes the joy and spontaneity out of life. We need balance: knowledge of the power that exists in our souls plus the realization of how small we are in comparison to the Universe. 

It brings a question to mind: if my essence is so blended with all I touch, is not God here with us as well? He exists but we do not fully understand how or where. We catch glimpses in nature, in people, in situations: "Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me." Matthew 25:44-45

 ::inserts another C.S. Lewis quote which inspired me today:: "The essential meaning of all things came down from the 'heaven' of myth to the 'earth' of history. In so doing, it partly emptied itself of its glory, as Christ emptied Himself of His glory to be Man.... That is the humiliation of myth into fact, of God into Man; what is everywhere and always, imageless and ineffable...becomes small, solid—no bigger than a man who can lie asleep in a rowing boat on the Lake of Galilee." 

What is my conclusion then? I am sincerely happy to be done editing Carole-Lyne's wedding photographs. Haha. I shall continue on doing my best; trying to help people see that life is more about just existing. To stop when I begin just existing and to begin living. That way today is a tea and C.S. Lewis type of day. :-)