Wednesday, December 22, 2010


The following is not complete in any way. If you have any thoughts to add to this, I welcome them. :-)

Have you ever felt a need to prove something about yourself? Have you ever felt a need to assure to others that you're kind and pleasant? That you're trustworthy? What about spirituality? Have you ever felt a need to defend your relationship with God?

I believe that there is a certain place for proving yourself. In order for people to trust you, you must show them that you are worthy of it. Our reputation is important and something to not be taken lightly. There is another side, however and I have been finding it my entire life.

It is when my reputation takes place above my happiness and peace. When my questions and defensive thoughts take over my mind and effect my joy. The past few weeks have found me slowly wandering. My fingers want to write Bible verses all the day long and post long winded opinions about God and spirituality and how people's lives could be greatly bettered by finding Him. (Btw, I would not just be talking about non-Christians but everyone alike... our entire lives are effected by our faith and understanding of Him.) But I have felt this before, knew what it was so I resisted the urge. I knew I needed to get my focus back on God before I wrote anything. There is nothing I detest more than a stifling hypocritical pride and arrogance.

I don't have many wise words to say about this mindset but I wanted to share a few things about my thoughts lately because I feel there is such a need for true fellowship with God. It hurts my heart when I see the burdened hearts that could be lightened.

There is no need to prove anything to anyone. No. I don't have to prove how things are going with me and God. Neither do you. Yes, question me... yourself... others. Welcome the questions; they are necessary for growth. But it is what we do with the questions that matters. What should happen is the questions turn us back towards God.

I realized some things over the past weeks: what matters is right now. Is my heart seeking fellowship with God at this very moment in time? If I am in fellowship with God right now, who am I to worry about other opinions? My worries distract me and deprive me of the joy I have in God. That is when I become ineffective.

Faith and love are more than something I can talk about. I can embody them. They can be synonymous with my existence. But it must start with my fellowship... my prayers... my thoughts. When it begins there, my reputation will take care of itself. Actually, everything else falls into place. There are consequences for every action and every thought, good or evil. When I maintain my fellowship with God every day, the consequences are endless love and joy. :-)

It is so easy to become sidetracked from the Truth. Even with good things, like questioning my heart for Truth. But at the same time, how simple and easy it is to fall back into fellowship with God and abide in His love and Truth.

Have you ever been around someone who left you very depressed and anxious? I was recently around someone who left me literally gasping for comfort and peace. This person did not mean to be this way. In fact, this person is searching desperately for the very things that I found myself reaching for. Pain simply flowed from this heart like a river.

It made me realize that there is another river. Joy, peace, happiness. They are all just as contagious as fear and despair and they are all desperately needed in this world. What is your river made of? It can be transformed. But don't try to do it. God has marvelous transforming powers. All He wants from you right now is your heart to be open and willing. Your river... your reputation is already changed and changing other lives.

May joy be yours today. :-) Do things unto God.


Anonymous said...

Mmm, good thoughts here.
and yes, I've felt that and realized that they were searching for something to bring happiness into their life... and how I longed to show them, somehow.
I have family members who seem happy on the surface but they are not. They don't know Jesus and it breaks my heart.

The Pennington Point said...

Thanks, Naomi. I have struggled with this lately as well, and this post was a real blessing to me.

Love you!
~ Grace

Bekah said...

I'd love to comment more, but no time! Oh and I loved the pic you used on this post because I am a Christy fan! :)

Naomi said...

Sam, thank you for your thoughtful words. To bring happiness to people is something we should all strive to do. It is so often that people are effected by selfishness and greed... or no one caring at all... why can't we turn the opposite way and bring a little joy into their lives?

Grace, I am so happy that this post was a blessing. God has answered my prayers. May He bless you in the coming days... especially over Christmas. :hugs: Love you, too.

Busy Bekah! :) :) I hope it's a very happy busy. I love the first season of Christy, as well. It was pretty phenomenal!

Bekah said...

Now for your actual post, yes, I know all about feeling like you have to prove yourself to someone! I discovered (rather painfully) that whenever I feel like I have to prove myself, it is simply because my pride was getting hurt! Oowww...ouch! :P Yet I constantly feel like I have to prove myself, even though I know it's my pride~ like tonight, at the family gathering. The other people my age are in college, have boyfriends, own a car, or work at this great place. Me, well God hasn't allowed me to head to college yet...I don't have a boyfriend...I don't own a car...and I work at a library (that's for old maids, right?!?!). But yet, I am doing things they aren't~ I just tend to forget about those things!

Anyways, there's my two cents. :P Whether you wanted it or not! *giggles*

And I own almost all of the Christy series (I was suppose to get it all, but the girl made a mistake, and STILL hasn't gotten back to me about it!!!). But I have seen them all anyways. :) Have you seen the 3 movies they made after that? Different actors (except for a few people), but still interesting~ not as good as Kelly Martin's though. :)

Singing Pilgrim said...

I've been wrestling with similar thoughts. And indeed, I defended my relationship with God yesterday, getting mad at poor long suffering Ryan. I had opened up to him about stuff I'd been struggling with, and I felt his reply was condescending-- patting me on the back for 'acknowledging' the problem type deal. But I'd acknowledged it to God weeks ago, and I felt insulted he thought otherwise... blah blah blah.

It came down to pride, I know. I felt my pride hurt when I thought this man I love didn't see how awesome my relationship with God was. Sheesh.

I'm definitely still struggling, and trying to let God's transforming power do its work. It's just I'm lacking patience, so it seems to be taking a long time. :-P