Have you ever felt a need to prove something about yourself? Have you ever felt a need to assure to others that you're kind and pleasant? That you're trustworthy? What about spirituality? Have you ever felt a need to defend your relationship with God?
I believe that there is a certain place for proving yourself. In order for people to trust you, you must show them that you are worthy of it. Our reputation is important and something to not be taken lightly. There is another side, however and I have been finding it my entire life.
It is when my reputation takes place above my happiness and peace. When my questions and defensive thoughts take over my mind and effect my joy. The past few weeks have found me slowly wandering. My fingers want to write Bible verses all the day long and post long winded opinions about God and spirituality and how people's lives could be greatly bettered by finding Him. (Btw, I would not just be talking about non-Christians but everyone alike... our entire lives are effected by our faith and understanding of Him.) But I have felt this before, knew what it was so I resisted the urge. I knew I needed to get my focus back on God before I wrote anything. There is nothing I detest more than a stifling hypocritical pride and arrogance.
I don't have many wise words to say about this mindset but I wanted to share a few things about my thoughts lately because I feel there is such a need for true fellowship with God. It hurts my heart when I see the burdened hearts that could be lightened.
There is no need to prove anything to anyone. No. I don't have to prove how things are going with me and God. Neither do you. Yes, question me... yourself... others. Welcome the questions; they are necessary for growth. But it is what we do with the questions that matters. What should happen is the questions turn us back towards God.
I realized some things over the past weeks: what matters is right now. Is my heart seeking fellowship with God at this very moment in time? If I am in fellowship with God right now, who am I to worry about other opinions? My worries distract me and deprive me of the joy I have in God. That is when I become ineffective.
Faith and love are more than something I can talk about. I can embody them. They can be synonymous with my existence. But it must start with my fellowship... my prayers... my thoughts. When it begins there, my reputation will take care of itself. Actually, everything else falls into place. There are consequences for every action and every thought, good or evil. When I maintain my fellowship with God every day, the consequences are endless love and joy. :-)
It is so easy to become sidetracked from the Truth. Even with good things, like questioning my heart for Truth. But at the same time, how simple and easy it is to fall back into fellowship with God and abide in His love and Truth.
Have you ever been around someone who left you very depressed and anxious? I was recently around someone who left me literally gasping for comfort and peace. This person did not mean to be this way. In fact, this person is searching desperately for the very things that I found myself reaching for. Pain simply flowed from this heart like a river.
It made me realize that there is another river. Joy, peace, happiness. They are all just as contagious as fear and despair and they are all desperately needed in this world. What is your river made of? It can be transformed. But don't try to do it. God has marvelous transforming powers. All He wants from you right now is your heart to be open and willing. Your river... your reputation is already changed and changing other lives.
May joy be yours today. :-) Do things unto God.