Grandma Irene

Last January, Jesse took me to visit his Grandma. My first impression of her was the quiet voice... wrinkles... blue veined hands...  many years lived. She was 95 years old and very frail looking. Her husband of many decades had passed away several months before, leaving her a widow. I felt it must have been hard being alone for the first time in so many years. But as each person greeted her, she looked so very pleased and happy to see us. When Jesse introduced me as his girlfriend, Irene looked up at me kindly and smiled. Then she gave me a hug as she welcomed me.

It was a delight that her fragility of body never extended to her mind. I listened to her infrequent comments to Paul and the others... each word was purposed; she never spoke sharply or out of turn. In fact, watching the others react to her, and to each other, in her presence, I began to see where my boyfriend's gentle, loving nature had stemmed from. "Ma" was queen of her home and her law was kindness; everyone felt it and everyone obeyed it.

The visit lasted a couple hours, then we donned on our heavy winter coats and shoes and got ready take our leave. Irene bade each of us farewell: as she stood by her door with her walker, she grasped my hand and pulled me to her. She gave me another hug and looked into my eyes. She asked very quietly, "Are you happy?" 

The concern and .... love? ... for me caught me by surprise.. This woman had just met me and she knew only a little bit about me. But I know now that she had been observing me all evening, trying get an idea of what kind of a girl her grandson had chosen to be his girlfriend. And her only question? "Are you happy?" 

It was that way the entire time I knew Irene. She was always kind, always thoughtful. My only wish is that I could have known her a little better. 

January 26th, 2012: Jesse woke me up saying that he had just gotten a phone call. Grandma was not doing well. As soon as I out of bed and dressed, we picked up Jesse's dad from the shop and headed down to Oxbow. As soon as I walked into the room, I felt the vibrancy of her spirit... missing. She lay there, a tiny form on the bed, her raspy breathing filling the room, eyes closed to the world. I don't know how much she was aware of as her three sons and loved ones sat around her. I don't know if she could hear our voices or see us when she half opened her eyes. I think she could sense the love that flowed from us all towards her. I hope she took comfort in it. 

When she passed away, late Saturday evening, there was mourning. We all felt a sense of loss and finality. But there also was a feeling of gratefulness that she was no longer suffering. The woman who loved is experiencing the great mystery of eternal life... eternal existence. We don't know exactly what she is knowing... living... having... right now. But we do know that the world was brightened by Irene Twietmeyer in those 96 years that she walked the earth. 

Thank you, Irene. 

Michelangelo

If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.

My soul can find no staircase to Heaven unless it be 
 through Earth's loveliness.

Random Thoughts of the Day

Praise: Greg Wallace has crossed over into eternity and is experiencing new life. Please keep his family in your prayers, especially making mention of Melody, his beloved.

Praise: The last year, I have simply prayed that if it was God's will I be married, the man He sent would be one who sought for Truth. That covers a lot of angles, so I just prayed for that... and God's will. I had almost given up on ever finding that man. :-)

I am so glad and thankful to love, and be loved in return by, a man who search for truth amazes and humbles me. Thank you, thank you.

Praise: I worked a 9 hour day at Pharmasave today and it went well. I am really learning the ins and outs of the till... and today I was asked if I would work in the photolab. Of course I almost shouted yes. :-D This job is fitting more and more of my kinks. Awesomeness. :-)

Suppertime!

Death and Life; Prayers for the Wallace Family

Greg Wallace. This man has been fighting his battle with cancer courageously and living each day with a testimony that inspires me. I have been reading of his battle... his thoughts... his struggles and questions for a couple of months now. His sister wrote today that it appears he only has days left to live. Oh, I am sad. I am sad that such pain and suffering has befallen this young man. I am sad that his family has to stand around him and watch... their hearts twisting... wishing they could take this from him and bear it. I will not sit and talk about the silver lining on this cloud. That would be ludicrous. This cloud is dense. There are storms under this great canopy of horror. The wind is blowing. The rain is pounding. The lightening flashing. We all have questions and doubts. We don't understand.

But listen. Listen. "Peace be still." Never was more spoken in three words. That is all. May you hear it, dear Wallace family.

Another moment lived. One moment closer to the presence of my Creator. Death used to terrify me. In fact it terrified me so much that I contemplated taking my life so I wouldn't have to deal with it any longer. I am sitting here smiling a little wryly over that bit of logic. Interesting what fear will do to a person's mind. 

Fear made me feel worthless. Guilty. Unloved. Pain-filled. Sinful. Overcome with sorrow. Black. 

Then, I found love. I was 13 years old. I suddenly realized that all of my fears, all of that guilt and pain, every single one of them, had a basis of truth. But Truth had been twisted into a lie. It is true that I am selfish, unlovable, greedy, fearful, angry, bitter and generally a bad person. It is truth that I deserve to be unloved. But it is also Truth that I am loved. Loved so much that I am forgiven. Love is beyond who I am, what I have or have not done. Beyond any telling. Beyond my comprehension. Beyond my ability to believe. But... oh, I am loved. 

With love, death is not a leap into darkness, but a door to another existence. Oh yes! I do not know what is out there. I have so many questions. So many uncertainties and worries that flood my heart if I let them. I have pain. Sometimes my sorrow is so much that it takes my joy. But there is something that I am certain of: The continued presence and love of my God. But that exists now. This moment. Do I allow my weakness to shroud it or do I embrace what is offered to me freely? That is the real question.

Faith Building

My dear Readers,

Lesson #1: Do not pray for faith building experiences unless you want your life to be turned upside down, inside out and made into a football game for the angels. :-)

 I have seriously not had any inspiration for weaving words together for an entire week. I wrote letters. You should see them. No. You shouldn't. They're dreadful. Lol! I simply have not been in the right frame of mind. The last post I wrote I mentioned that I had prayed for faith and my world had been shaken. Every small thing I had secretly feared; every ill belief I had about myself, my life and the people in it... was thrown into my face. And it didn't end there: I was forced to take them into my shaking, disbelieving hands and decipher the truth about myself, my loved ones and God.

When I wrote that last post, God was not finished with the situation yet. I thought things had settled down. Not. Doors were slammed shut and others were flung wide open. I had to take some steps that frightened me but when I had stepped in faith, the wilted drought of the past was turned into beautiful alive spring. My world is green again.

The best things that happened? I discovered that Jesse is even more amazing than I had thought. (He never fails to make me laugh... as in the above picture. :-)) I cannot tell you how grateful I am for him and his presence in my life. Another great thing: I have healed so much in the past few months. I am more sure of why I exist. I am more sure of God's love for me. I am able to better serve... and receive.

Not first in the sequence of events but a very big part of them was the death of a friend of mine. He was 24 years old. He was cleaning his gun and accidentally shot himself in the chest. It hit the online community very hard. I can't imagine what his family must be going through. Please pray for them.

http://www.news-journal.com/news/local/article_7995c1cb-811c-5173-bbfd-f70eac24080b.html

Ben's death made me realize how much I take for granted. My family. My friends. Jesse. The fact that I can, speak, play music, read, write, watch movies... learn. Breathe. Live. I worry about the stupidest things. Honestly! And this... well, it made me sit back and think about everything. What is important?

Next step in plan: I quit my DQ job. As much as I loved making the cakes and working creatively, the situation suddenly (and I mean, very suddenly) was not a healthy one. Michele advised me to move on and I did. I was scared. As usual. (Change!) But, once again, God's leading also became very clear and I knew in the very depths of my heart that it was time. And yes, you'd better believe that I will miss doing cakes. I really loved doing that. :-)

However, guess what? Another business in town hired me. I was called yesterday and my new job begins in a week and a half or so. I am truly excited. :-) It's at a Pharmasave and it's right on Main Street. I have become friends with the owner over the past few months as her daughter is in piano lessons. It's so nice to be able to enter a workforce on the strength of my own merit instead of accepting a favor from someone. (That being said, accepting favors have their own special place too.)

And THIS is what Jesse and I made for Valentine's Day. Michele made steak, potatoes and salad. Over all, it was a delightful meal. :-)

Mom's cheesecake recipe... drizzled chocolate chips, fresh raspberries and Lindt Dark Chocolate hearts... Does it get any better?!

Here is something I found thought provoking this morning... http://charitys-place.blogspot.com/2011/02/faith-in-secular-media.html#more Charity Bishop is an excellent writer. I really enjoy her blog. If you would like a good read... :-)

And it's time for me to get on with my day. Oh yes! One more thing. Wedding plans are slowly taking shape. The official date is September 10th. I am working on guest lists and details and colors and who I want to be involved and who is going to be involved... wow. I love this. ;-) 

Ya'll have an awesome day, wherever you are! Is anything new happening in your lives? What have you been watching lately? Reading? Writing? Planning?