Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Jesse

This summer was a pretty amazing summer for me. :-) So many firsts: first job away from home, first time I had ever spent more than a month away from my family, first time to have 'real' employer, first time to have to be our own person, etc.

Two months of camp... then came music camp. First day of week 1: I walk into the Mother Teresa Centre and who should be standing at the table signing up but a very tall man with a beard and hair. My sisters and I looked at each other and one of us said, "Well, you can tell he's a musician." Then we laughed. ;-)

A few hours later, we were getting split into groups and wouldn't you know it? We ended up in the same class. I was more curious about him than anything. I thought he was an older man (30's) because he acted maturely and with thought... Even on the first day, I really enjoyed that class. We had a really nice range of students and abilities. And I *loved* our instructor, Ken. He and I got along well from the first moment we spoke... he taught in such a way that I discovered a new understanding of music.

Anyways, the majority of our class got to be fairly good friends with one another and that included Jesse. He had such an interesting take on music that I was curious of what he thought about the rest of life. I can't remember who began the first conversation but it was something I remember wanting to repeat. I liked his mind. We didn't agree on everything but it was surprising how much we did agree on... I really enjoyed seeing how he came to his conclusions. He had interesting thought processes. His friendship added to the class was making it one of the best I have ever experienced.  Then, one day, I caught him looking at me. 

That was the beginning of something extremely frustrating for me. You see, I had just been enjoying this friendship with a young man (he was only 25) and here he had to feel something else. The remainder of the two weeks, I spent trying to maintain a healthy distance but still be friends. I sensed that he needed a friend and I was quite willing to be that... but I already appreciated him enough as a person that I was afraid of hurting him. I tried every way I knew how to prove to him that I wasn't interested. Lol! And Jesse? Well, he was always very much the honorable gentleman but he was also very persistent.


After camp ended, I came to live in Carlyle. Since the people I am staying are good friends of his, he came over often. I enjoyed and dreaded his visits... the enjoyment was from our very interesting and growth encouraging conversations. Every time I would talk with him, I was amazed at his wisdom. He made me look at life in a completely different light. Because he truly walks the path, he showed me things about God that I had known but hadn't really known. After each visit, I would go sit in my room and search my soul.

The reason I dreaded the visits because even though he was very careful, I knew how he felt about me. The better I got to know him, the more I respected and liked him... and hurting him was the greatest fear I had. I kept wondering how to approach him to tell him I wasn't interested. But there never seemed to be a good time. And to be honest, down in the depths of my innermost hearts, there was a suspicion growing... that possibly there was a dawning of a brand new day. 

The most amazing aspect of our relationship is the fact that God had been speaking to my heart about Jesse from almost the first moment we met. I fought it. I did not feel worthy of such a man nor did I feel ready for love. I think that most of the latter feeling was from fear... for with love there is always the probability of pain. But finally, God made me so miserable that I gave it up to Him. :-) :-) (The emoticons are because I knew beforehand how much peace I would find in God's will... and not only that, happiness and joy. It's ironic that I valiantly fought happiness for so long!) With every ounce of sincerity I possessed, I told Him that whatever He wanted, I was willing.

The next day, November 5th,  Jesse told me... well, he just told me something. :-) Then, he asked if we could take the relationship a step further. Since we were in the car on the way to my orthodontist appointment (9 hour drive, round trip), we got to talk a lot about it. I was further amazed at his wisdom but also at the great peace I felt. I knew without a doubt what God wanted me to reply. So I told Jesse 'yes' with fear and trembling and great peace. 

I so love defying logic. :-) 

Since then, it has been getting to know each other better. Hours and hours spent in each other's company, talking, playing music... realizing that love can grow as quickly or slowly as it pleases. Realizing the uncertainties and the certainties. For me, realizing how much joy can come from trusting in God to write each chapter of my life. The more I get to know Jesse, the more I realize how he is very perfect for me. We still have a long ways to go but I already see and feel so much joy. I pray that our hearts will always be for the other and God. 

Please pray for us. 

Am I happy with my reply to Jesse's query of relationship? Yes. :-) It's up to you to imagine how happy I am for there are no words to describe it. 

17 comments:

DelightinginHim said...

I get to be the 1st to comment? ;)
Well, there isn't a whole lot to say but just to **GRIN** and be happy for you! *hugs*
Sweet girl and sister in Christ, if I could I would give you a big hug! It is scary, isn't it? but also very rewarding! And if the Lord wills it and there is a peace, then well...go for it!
The only thing I request is a picture...some time in the future. *smile* And I pray many blessings on you both.

rebekah said...

I had an email...lol So I think I beat you. :)LOL!!

But Naomi~ what about a picture?!?!?!?!?!

Oh and I sent you an email! ;)

Naomi said...

Jaclynn -- thank you so much. :) Oh yes... it is indeed scary but it is faith building. Plus, I get to experience this with Jesse, so I can't complain. Hehe. I am going to try to get a picture up. Until then, here is a link to see a picture of us before we were together.

http://www.carlyleobserver.com/apps/pbcs.dll/tngallery?Site=GN&Date=20101022&Category=CARLYLE&ArtNo=102209999&Ref=PH

(Picture 6)

Bekah, there is a world called FB and they all found out a couple days ago... I wanted to write you an email though, so it took a little longer to find time to write you one. :) I got your reply and it made me smile. :)

musicmaiden said...

Oh, Naomi ... like, Like, LIKE! I don't even 'know' you in real life but I have read your articles/blogs/fb since Hidden Wisdom and I'm am totally thrilled for you. :D

Hadassah's Corner said...

LOL! sis... you rock the world. :-) Have lots of fun with Jesse. I'm looking forward to seeing you before coming back here. :-) love you and am wishing that I had a drivers license. :-)
Eruanna

Naomi said...

Meghan, thank you! :) :) I appreciate the support. :)

Hannah Eruanna, did you know your names rhyme now? Thought not. ;) You rock the world, too. I am having fun. And we're both being blessed. :) ;)
You'll be able to get your driver's license eventually!! Keep studying the book.

Samantha R. said...

Wow! :)
So excited for you!
I'm sure it's scary and exciting and joyful all at the same time!
Praying for you both as you continue to get to know one another and may God give you wisdom as you grow!

*hugs*

Naomi said...

Thank you so much for the congratulations and the prayers. We appreciate them muchly. :) :hugs:

Our Excalibur said...

I don't know you. I just had happened to stumble across this blog but reading this story reminded me of my sister and her now husbands love story. They are both Christian and they've known each other and been close friends since second grade. They never were an "item" or anything because my sister is quite shy and reserved and never had a serious relationship that she thought was worth continuing... until college. She went to Central Washington University and he did as well, and she was either excited one week because her and he hung out or upset with God because she didn't understand her feelings. She finally figured it out and he asked her to marry him last year after 3 years of dating and after 12 years of being friends. They got married last June and are more and more in love then ever!

I guess what I'm saying is, your story is cute and even though I don't know you, I hope things work well for you and your man. :)

Naomi said...

I *love* visitors and I *love* comments. :D Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage.. you brightened my day. :)

I am so happy for your sister and her husband. Happy stories should be spread around further. :) Thanks for sharing.

rebekah said...

So I went to that link~ I am assuming you guys were acting? :)

Yeah, I know, I wouldn't mind being on FB for that reason, but I have a personal issue with FB. However, I do Buzz on Gmail now~ that's an improvement. :P lol And at least I have email/chat! :D

Naomi said...

We were acting in "We'll Meet Again"... I was telling my corny jokes.

Yay for email/chat. :) FB has it's upsides and downsides, as with all things.

Bekah said...

lol :P

Shiloh said...

Congratulations, Naomi!!!

Naomi said...

Thank you!! :D

Nadine Janzen said...

Awesome! that's SO exciting! I am glad you are so happy and enjoying life! Have a beautiful day! Hope you had an amazing christmas!

Naomi said...

Aw.. thanks, Nadine. It is exciting. :) I did have a glorious Christmas! And I hope you did, as well.