March 27th -- star

Through the years, the world has given much thought to the meaning of the stars. They have symbolized good and bad; the fall and rise of kings; the gods and goddesses of old.

But I have my own thoughts.

One of the reasons I love Christmas so much is because of the stars. 

When I took the other decorations down, I left this one hanging up because I believe that stars symbolize 

welcome, warmth and hope.

Which is what I strive to give to others, as Jesus did.

I love the stars. 

They shine bright for a time and leave a moment of a memory when they fall.

"All I want is a tall ship and a star to steer her by..." (John Masefield)

love: an ode to mine

The Fountains mingle with the river

And the rivers with the ocean,

The winds of heaven mix for ever

With a sweet emotion;

Nothing in the the world is single,

All things by a law devine

In one another's being mingle -- 

Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high heaven

And the waves clasp one another;

No sister-flower would  be forgiven

If it disdain'd its brother:

And the sunlight clasps the earth,

And the moonbeams kiss the sea --

What are all these kissings worth,

If thou kiss not me?

-- Shelley

I know people who have fallen out of love. There are times when their pain is badly disguised. I feel it.. their longing for what they have lost. I do not judge them and I try to avoid pity. I believe there is a different path for each of us. If you are offended by this post of utter and complete contentment, forgive me. I have known my own pain and I have struggled through my own struggles. (I am me, of course, so I never stop learning the hard way.) But I have found a resting place, somewhere safe and I want that for everyone.

I have chosen a path to walk and by my side is the man I want with me forever. I have only loved for a little over a year. The varying of and the strength of this emotion never is the same - not even moment to moment. I have learned some things; I hope for much more over the years. This post is partly for me but I also wanted to put to rest some of the misconceptions about love.

Fear to embrace it, fear to not. Do not fear.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you

The love of all man’s days both past and forever:

Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.

The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours – 

And the songs of every poet past and forever.

-- Rabindranath Tagore

Love fills emptiness or holes in you that you didn't know existed.

Love is a partnership: it requires giving of yourself and receiving of the other person. While you need to be whole in yourself (your faith, your love, your abilities) you also need to be able to allow yourself to be made whole by that other person. 

Love's a mystery. Sometimes there are feelings that are so deep and full that they cannot be expressed. Sometimes it's a crush of overwhelmed senses and wildly fluctuating emotions. Sometimes it's found in the easy camaraderie of two people who have established a friendship. But it can never be said, "Love is this. Love is that," and this thing be properly explained.

A true lover is proved such by his pain of heart;

No sickness is there like sickness of heart.

The lover's ailment is different from all ailments;

Love is the astrolabe of God's mysteries. 

-- Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

Love's story is different for every person. You might find yourself falling for your best friend, your worst enemy or someone you met on the street five minutes ago.

At the point Jesse and I met, I didn't think I was ready to meet HIM. I had prayed for years for a man who would be worthy enough for me to fall in love with. When I met Jesse I knew almost immediately that he was the one but I fought it. God had to really work on me. I cannot tell you how important it is to be of an open heart to His will. The places and people God leads  you to are for a reason. They shape you. For what end, you may ask? For better. For good. For love! But God won't force you to go where He wants you to go. As Jesse says, "A free will, the chance to choose, is the greatest gift God gave us." It's true. Of course if you're really headed in the wrong direction, He may put a wall of fire or a cliff in your path. :-)

Love never judges. Love accepts you for who you are, regardless of where you have been or what you have done. Love thinks you are perfect for Love. But Love never accepts that you are all that you could be. Love strengthens you, helps you, encourages you... to be more of you. 

Everyone says that you can't change a person. To a certain extent, that it the truth. But let me tell you, you can encourage people to go one way or another. People say that Jesse has changed since he met me. He has grown a lot, I know. But I never tried to change him because I like the way he is. I just believe in him and love him. I am a responsible person. I stress. I worry. I fear. I am an introvert. Jesse has gently but firmly pushed me to be more confident in myself and my abilities. For years, I had been expected to be a certain person and criticized if I stepped out of the role. Jesse hasn't changed me but he has helped me embrace who I can be. I am no longer just Naomi. I am Naomi. 

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: 

Love is living, growing, changing. Love would not have been worth it had it not been with my soul mate, my best friend. So much mystery, so much fear, so much unknown... but Jesse proved faithful and true every step of the way.

Each day I find myself praying for wisdom: How can I love Jesse more? How can we grow closer together? Love cannot help but change as I change from day to day. And I do change from day to day! I am a living human being, experiencing living human life. Jesse is the same. We are two completely different people. How can our love not change with us changing day to day? The prayer is that we will change for good. We may be perfect for each other at this point in life but will we be in 30 years? 13 years? 3 months? Love is the most difficult thing of all because we human beings are selfish by nature. That's why being committed to each other for life is so important for us.

Love has many faces. We love our lover. We love our friends. We love our family. We love God. Each love we experience helps us understand ultimate Love.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) 

-- e e cummings

I love this post by my friend Abigail. :-) It is very insightful.  http://jawestbrook.blogspot.com/2011/12/settling-or-setting-aside-lists.html

Happy Summer

June was not over

Though past the fall,

And the best of her roses

Had yet to blow... 

--Robert Browning 

(Another Way Of Love)

I love old poetry... listening to the Nasby brothers sing and play... watching fireworks whirl and spin through the night sky... feeling raw emotion.... dancing in the bright sunlight... laughing with children...

These things I have been doing; thinking about; feeling. I am really tired. :-) Thus, my thoughts are scattered right now. Today we had our garage sale again and sold a lot of things. Hurrah! I guess the right people needed the things we had yesterday. I have also been addressing wedding invitations for two days and still have quite a few to go. I wanted to be done before I leave for camp tomorrow but I don't think that's going to happen. However, I can work on them at camp in the evenings...

I probably won't be online much this coming month and maybe not in August either. But there is no telling what the months will bring! I am really looking forward to working with the kids at camp. I intend on having a good time. :-D  However, perhaps this is good. I am resting in the grace of God.

Some exciting news: my sister Hannah is dating a very nice young man she met in Bible College. Love you guys. :-) 

May you all have a beautiful, full Summer. Enjoy the sun and the rain...

Open Eyes

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes--
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

--Elizabeth Browning

God grant me the desire for wisdom so that He may be the center of my existence.

The Healer of Hearts

Sister Lucille asked me to play for the service they are conducting at the home today.. of course I said yes. :-) But half of the songs I really didn't know so I was practicing this morning. There are some really nice melodies and the words are always great... I was singing along and suddenly, the second verse of this song really grabbed my attention... the wording is interesting.

God broke my heart, but He healed me. Bitterness and hate do not feel comfortable in it any longer. My new heart is for "love alone".

Here I Am, Lord

(Dan Schutte)

I, the Lord of sea and sky,

I have heard my people cry.

All who dwell in dark and sin

My hand will save.

I who made the stars of night,

I will make their darkness bright.

Who will bear My light to them?

Whom shall I send?

I, the Lord of snow and rain, 

I have borne My people's pain.

I have wept for love of them.

They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone,

give them hearts for love alone. 

I will speak My word to them.

Whom shall I send?

I, the Lord of wind and flame, 

I will tend the poor and lame.

I will set a feast for them.

My hand will save.

Finest bread I will provide

Till their hearts are satisfied.

I will give My life to them.

Whom shall I send?

(Chorus)

Here I am, Lord,

Is it I, Lord?

I have heard You calling in the night.

I will go Lord,

If You lead me.

I will hold Your people in my heart. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBWtDtaBvAk

Love Is Home -- George MacDonald

LOVE IS HOME.   

 Love is the part, and love is the whole;     Love is the robe, and love is the pall;   Ruler of heart and brain and soul,     Love is the lord and the slave of all!   I thank thee, Love, that thou lovest me;   I thank thee more that I love thee.    Love is the rain, and love is the air;     Love is the earth that holdeth fast;   Love is the root that is buried there,     Love is the open flower at last!   I thank thee, Love all round about,   That the eyes of my love are looking out.    Love is the sun, and love is the sea;     Love is the tide that comes and goes;   Flowing and flowing it comes to me;     Ebbing and ebbing to thee it flows!   Oh my sun, and my wind, and tide!   My sea, and my shore, and all beside!    Light, oh light that art by showing;     Wind, oh wind that liv'st by motion;   Thought, oh thought that art by knowing;     Will, that art born in self-devotion!   Love is you, though not all of you know it;   Ye are not love, yet ye always show it!    Faithful creator, heart-longed-for father,     Home of our heart-infolded brother,   Home to thee all thy glories gather—     All are thy love, and there is no other!   O Love-at-rest; we loves that roam—   Home unto thee, we are coming home!

--George MacDonald

Elizabeth Browning -- excerpts

If thou must love me, let it be for nought

Except for love's sake only. Do not say

'I love her for her smile... her look... her way

Of speaking gently... for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day' ---

For these things in themselves, Beloved, may

Be changed, or change for thee, -- and love, so wrought

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for

Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry, ---

A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!

But love me for love's sake, that evermore

Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

"Sonnets From the Portuguese"

The Poppies in the Garden

The poppies in the garden, they all wear frocks of silk,

Some are purple, some are pink, and others white as milk,

Light, light for dancing in, for dancing when the breeze

Play a little two-step for the blossoms and the bees.

Fine, fine, for dancing in, frilly at the hem,

Oh, when I watch the poppies dance I long to dance like them!

The poppies in the garden have let their silk frocks fall

All about the border paths, but where are they at all?

Here a frill and there a flounce – a rag of silky red,

But not a poppy-girl is left – I think they went to bed.

Gone to bed and gone to sleep; and weary they must be,

For each has left her box of dreams upon the stem for me.

-- Frida Wolfe, 19th c. poet

Maidenhood -- Longfellow

Maiden! With the meek, brown eyes,

In whose orbs a shadow lies

Like the dusk in evening skies!

Thou whose locks outshine the sun,

Golden tresses, wreathed in one,

As the braided streamlets run!

Standing with reluctant feet,

Where the brook and river meet,

Womanhood and childhood fleet!

Gazing, with a timid glance,

On the brooklet's swift advance,

On the river's broad expanse!

Deep and still, that gliding stream

Beautiful to thee must seem,

As the river of a dream.

Then why pause with indecision,

When bright angels in thy vision

Beckon thee to fields Elysian?

Seest thou shadows sailing by,

As the dove, with startled eye

Sees the falcon's shadow fly?

Hearest thou voices on the shore,

That our ears perceive no more,

Deafened by the cataract's roar?

Oh, thou child of many prayers!

Life hath quicksands, Life hath snares!

Care and age come unawares!

Like the swell of some sweet tune

Morning rises into noon,

May glides onward into June.

Childhood is the bough, where slumbered

Birds and blossoms many numbered;--

Age, that bough with snows encumbered.

Gather, then, each flower that grows,

When the young heart overflows,

To embalm that tent of snows.

Bear a lily in thy hand;

Gates of brass cannot withstand

One touch of that magic wand.

Bear through sorrow, wrong and ruth

In thy heart the dew of youth,

On thy lips the smile of truth.

O, that dew, like balm, shall steal

Into wounds, that cannot heal

Even as sleep our eyes doth seal;

And that smile, like sunshine, dart

Into many a sunless heart,

For a smile of God thou art.

--Longfellow

God, Thou Art Love

The other day, I was feeling so down about myself. Right in the middle of all the turmoil of discouragement and self pity :-), God brought this poem to me and what an encouragement it has been the past week or so.

God, Thou Art Love

If I forget,

Yet God remembers! If these hands of mine

Cease from their clinging, yet the hands divine

Hold me so firmly that I cannot fall;

And if sometime I am too tired to call

For Him to help me, then He reads the prayer

Unspoken in my heart, and lifts my care.

I dare not fear, since certainly I know

That I am in God's keeping, shielded so

From all that else would harm, and in the hour

Of stern temptation strengthened by His Power;

I tread no path in life, bear no pain, alone:

My soul a calm, sure hiding-place has found:

The everlasting arms my life surrounded.

God, Thou art love! I build my faith on that.

I know Thee who has kept my path, and made

Light for me in the darkness, tempering sorrow

So that it reached me like a solemn joy;

It were too strange that I should doubt Thy love.

--Robert Browning

update... photos

We're back home again. Had a lovely visit with my grandparents and other relatives... I couldn't get over how lovely Washington is in the summer. So green, so lush, so bright.

The singing was a success. PTL! We were worried up until it was time for the performance but when it was time, it went very well indeed.

And, last but certainly not least, we were able to stop in at our friends in Lethbridge and visit them. It's such a blessing to see and talk with close friends. God has been very good to me.

When we got home, I opened another envelope from the package that my friend sent me for my birthday... and found this poem. If you can take the time, will you tell what your thoughts are about this poem? I especially like 2nd, 3rd and 4th stanzas.

God Knows Best

Our Father knows what's best for us,

So why should we complain...

We always want the sunshine,

But He knows there must be rain.

We love the sound of laughter

And the merriment of cheer;

But our hearts would lose their tenderness

If we never shed a tear.

Our Father tests us often

With suffering and with sorrow;

He tests us, not to punish us,

But to help us meet tomorrow.

For growing trees are strengthened

When they withstand the storm;

And the sharp cut of the chisel

Gives the marble grace and form.

God never hurts us needlessly,

And He never wastes our pain;

For every loss He sends to us

Is followed by rich gain.

And when we count the blessings

That God has so freely sent;

We will find no cause for murmuring

And no time to lament.

For Our Father loves His children,

And to Him all things are plain;

So He never sends us pleasure

When the soul's deep need is pain.

So whenever we are troubled,

And when everything goes wrong,

It is just God working in us

To make our spirits strong.

--Helen Steiner Rice

Well, we are almost to our water supplier and internet provider ;-) so I should get this ready to post. :-) God bless you, my readers... and bring you to a more clear understanding of God and his goodness.

thought... wonderings... & jonah days

June 25th

I have not been having a good day.

I woke up this morning, took a look in the mirror (as I was doing my hair) and immediately wondered if a few cracks in said mirror might improve my image. :-P (I refrained.) That was bad enough. But the worst was yet to come: before breakfast, I had lowered myself by showing how someone was being selfish and thoughtless when it did not need to be done. And it didn't stop there. All day, just when I think I'm doing better and making up for my earlier behavior, a situation catches me unaware and what is in my heart tumbles out for everyone to see. Oh, and when I was entertaining the baby, my leg, which is 99% most of the time, gave me a sudden reminder that it is indeed 99% and not 100%.

You might say my self esteem is rather low at the moment. I feel immature, thoughtless, stupid, ugly, weak and a number of other uncomplimentary adjectives. LOL!

I can't say I have found a remedy other than falling down on my knees and begging for God's grace and mercy. Right now, I feel that all I ever want to do is bring glory to Him and I'm not able to do so.

I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen, thinking. Wondering. Hoping.

Of course, there is another, better, side to this. Any moment I'm feeling particularly low, something good and wonderful leaps up and shows me how much God loves me...

Sara grabbing my finger and giving me a slobbery grin before stuffing both my finger and her hand into her mouth. (She's fast!) (Believe me, it only took 1/10 of a second to get it all in there... and that much time again to get it out! LOL!)

A mother and sisters who scold me one minute and act like everything's fine and dandy the next (because they forgave my ridiculousness).

Sunshine warming my feet as it shines through the window.

Flowers bobbing in the breeze, reminding me of the wonderful rain we got yesterday.

Letters from dear friends (it doesn't matter if they're old or not, friendship makes all things relevant... )

Phone-calls from friends (which are almost as good as letters)

Water to drink that tastes so, so, good!

Listening to music. (“... so let the sunshine in... face it with a grin...”)

Things working out smoothly for going on the trip.

My increasing strength (yesterday I was able to water all the flowers and make breadsticks before I was tired.)

The last thing should make me feel on the top of the world, if nothing else.

It seems strange... through my failings today, I, in desperation turn to the Lord. There is no other place to go. My confidence has dwindled to nothing. My patience and grace are both at the same level as the former. My temper feels like it could be gaged at 8 (numbers 1 – 10; 10 being highest level) There is nothing left in me to fall back on.

I have asked myself this question for a few years now: can God use evil to glorify Himself? By my mistakes today, I was forced to look to Him. But why did He have to use my stumbling and falling to do that? Couldn't He have used something else besides sin?

The brother of a promising, godly young man wrote an article about his view that God does not use evil to bring glory to Himself or cause something He wanted to happen. This was after the young man was killed tragically by a drunk driver. The brother was insistent and indignant to the people who tried to comfort the family by saying that God was using this to bring glory to Himself.

And yet, through the turn of events later, I could see how many good things probably wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for drunkenness, lack of self control, stupidity, etc. Without those elements in the situation, the man who killed the boy wouldn't have searched so hard for the meaning of life. The family wouldn't have had such a chance to demonstrate the love of God. And around the community, many people heard the gospel message who might not have, had it not been for this boy's death.

But evil is the opposite of who God is. God cannot be evil. So how can He use it? It seems wrong to even think that God could perhaps use evil to accomplish His purposes.

But regardless of what other people's views are, I am praying that God will show Himself strong and able. Because, right now, I feel like I'm on the verge of crumbling... or falling off... or blowing up... or something! Got any dynamite, anybody? J

I know God will come through. He has every time. But the question remains of whether I will let Him do His work in me or not? Is there anything in this heart of mine that won't let Him?

Oh yes! God is ever loving, ever powerful, ever able. But from my experience, I can say without a doubt that He never forces me to do what is right.

The nice thing about “Jonah” days is that tomorrow is usually 78% better than today.

::decides that she's glad there is no chocolate handy for eating because she would be sorely tempted to cheat::

Later:

After writing this, I had just gone to get a little book a friend sent to me for my birthday entitled, “The Bible Promise Book”. In it are verses with corresponding headings, such as, “Anger”, “God's Faithfulness”, “Forgiveness”, “Joy” and many others.

As I opened the book, a poem my friend had slipped into the cover of the book caught my eye. On the top, under the title, there are two verses:

“The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.” Psalm 147:11

“The Lord delighteth in thee.” Isaiah 62: 4

God knew what I needed to hear... what I needed to realize. He is so good to me. You know how much I don't deserve this? I don't understand why, in my worst moments, He sends down showers of love. Why now? Why not when I've been good?

I don't understand God. I don't understand His love. But I have suddenly caught a glimpse of it and Him through today. I am so thankful and so, shall I say?, in love with my God and King.

In the Center of God's Heart

It is easy to be discouraged

When looking at your life,

Perhaps feeling that you have failed,

Or weary with daily strife.

But think about this fact -

And it is really true -

That the great God Almighty

Finds His pleasure in you!

He chose you before creation,

In His image you were made:

And in His love and mercy

His hand on you was laid.

Deeply does He love you,

You are precious in His sight,

But even more than this -

In you He finds delight!

God has His beloved Son,

Heavens glory and all creation,

And yet with joy does He regard

Redeemed “heirs of salvation”.

How mysterious this love,

How magnificent His grace -

That in the center of God's heart

We have found our place.

-- Marjory Windsor

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward. 2 Peter 3:9

If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13

And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Psalm 9:10

So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Hebrews 13:6

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Psalm 23: 4 – 5

But the salvation of the righteous is of the Lord: he is their strength in the time of trouble. Psalm 37: 39

The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. Nahum 1 :7

Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37: 24

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God. Psalm 42: 11

The Hand of God

Joy had long since faded
I felt I couldn't see.
I wondered where to step...
Would it be the end of me?
As I stumbled in the way
And fell to the sod,
I felt a hand in mine and realized
That hand was God's.

I'd forgotten He was there,
But I had never been alone.
He had just been waiting
'Til His strength was my own.
Waiting until I was desperate,
Then moving in a way
That Light crashed through my darkness
And changed my winter into May.

I found that I can tell Him
Each one of my dreams,
All of my struggles,
For He knows all things.
The trials that beset me
Are given from above
Sent by my Heavenly Father
From the depths of His love.

Some things may hurt
And send us to tears.
We may feel all alone
And give in to our fears.
But this we must remember
If we are trusting Him,
The hand that's holding yours
Won't leave you on a limb.

You see, He's the dearest Friend
That we could ever have.
With our eyes on His face,
We can walk by His grace.
Knowing that His hand's in ours
And He'll carry us through...
“Lord, we need not fear,
For we're trusting in You!”

--Naomi Holter
July 07

Robert Burns

Thou knowest that Thou has formed me
With passions wild and strong;
And listening to their witching voice
Has often led me wrong.

Where with intention I have erred,
No other plea I have,
But Thou are good; and Goodness still
Delighteth to forgive.

--Robert Burns